We’re nearly all victims

It starts with our parents. It’s easy to blame them for the way we turn out and although there is some merit, justification and perfectly true for some of us, I’m not sure how fair in reality it really is when we look at the bigger picture.

I know I was a victim and whilst some of us will blame and continue to blame our parents for us being victims and how we turn out, some of our parents will already be victims themselves and so the cycle continues. Some of us will have been or will continue to be victims. Some of us may not even know that we are, but that is what we are.

It doesn’t make any of what happens to us right, but for some of us it’s up to us to change things. Does anyone ever come through their childhood completely unscathed?

From what I’ve seen and know and from my own personal journey, I personally don’t think we do.


9 Feb, 2015

10 thoughts on “We’re nearly all victims

  1. As we are all messed up by our parenting, I guess you can say we are all ‘victims,’ but I don’t look at it like that.

    We all get good and bad from our life’s experiences in varying proportions, but it’s what we make of those experiences that shape us and how we deal with our lives and with others. I am grateful for the parental ‘neglect’ I received, although not everyone escapes as well as I did.

    The important thing for me is that we are not responsible for how we are parented, as that empowers me to recognise and to change things. I often say the best lesson our parents teach us is how not to parent.

    1. Thanks. Your last sentence resonates with me. That is so true for me too. I was aware of that concept from a very early age and I believe it to be true.

      We will learn from our parents’ mistakes. That is what I have done. It doesn’t make it right, it’s just what it is; but it’s enough for us to change things for our own children and that is what I have done.

  2. I really don’t see myself as a victim. Sure, my parents were over protective but that doesn’t make me a victim as I see it.

    Does being spoiled and protected at the same time make us victims? My parents thought they were going to lose me by the time I was 18 and I’m guessing that is why they did the things they did .

    At the time when I was diagnosed they didn’t know as much as they do today and only knew it was bad news, so I see my parents as the victims of the medical world; they were only going by what they were told.

    1. Thanks Lisa. Do we ever? I’m not sure I saw myself as a victim either. That came later when I began to question my life through mistakes that we’re made.

      When we’re living in the moment and everything’s going fine, we don’t always see ourselves as the victim; it’s only when we look back that we can see how much we were a victim of our childhood.

      I believe though, there is always the possibility that we very much can be. I understand what you say about your parents being ‘victims of the medical world’ but even when parents are victims of the medical world, (which my parents were too) doesn’t stop any parent making better choices for their children.

      Personally I am not sure how many of us really can say we’ve never been a victim. Perhaps we don’t always unconsciously see that we are; and consciously we choose not to see ourselves that way. Perhaps it’s easier that way.

  3. Well, something I heard probably in AA, is that we can choose to either be a victim or a volunteer!

    I spent most of my life feeling like a victim and not believing that I really had any control over my own life. Both my parents were victims in their own way, so like you said the cycle was just repeating itself.

    I made the conscious decision very young to try to be different than them, but in the end I ended up being just like them and far worse! I was trying to cut off certain parts of my personality that I didn’t like, but in the process I ended up feeling nothing at all.

    It’s not possible for a human to live like a machine when you need certain feelings to be able to survive. I finally had to accept that I am only human and not a Vulcan, which means that I can do more than just survive in this world!

    1. Thanks Randy. I’m not sure and given my own experiences, you will have ever been in a position to change the way you did things. It’s not your fault. From what you say you tried so hard to live a different, more positive and productive life to that of your parents.

      I’m not sure anyone living in the environment you talk about in some of your blogs, would lend itself to changing your life in the way you describe here. You would have in all honesty had to change your parents for that to happen and that could never be. You would have to be born to different parents.

      That said, you understand a lot about your upbringing and childhood and know that you can now choose whether you stay the victim or as AA have said a Volunteer.

      We cannot change where we are with our upbringing whilst we are around those who continue to have a hold over us, but once we begin to live our lives independently of our family, I believe we can. I believe you can Randy.

  4. I would say I was a victim of my parents’ ignorance. It’s understandable that they had no idea how to raise a child with a disability; raising an abled bodied child is difficult already.

    That doesn’t excuse them of at least trying to understand my disability and provide encouragement.

    1. Thanks Maria. I had the same thing too and yes I agree with you; it doesn’t excuse anyone of at least trying to understand what we deal with and to provide encouragement.

  5. People are instant victims upon their exit from their mothers womb; born into circumstances they have absolutely no control over.

    It seems the soul has no choice of who or what houses it, but it’s here to learn and grow nevertheless.

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