What we don’t know

Although they say, “what we don’t know can’t hurt.” In theory, of course that may be true, but it’s not realistic to think we will never know or get to find out and that when we do it won’t hurt.

Finding out about anything that you didn’t know before, brings with it new understanding, not necessarily in a good way. I believe it very much depends on what we don’t know about and whether getting to know about that thing changes the way we think about ourselves, or others who are clearly guilty of ignoring our needs.

I can’t agree that not knowing doesn’t hurt. It very much does. That not knowing somehow implies that we’ll never get to find out and that simply isn’t true. Holding back on something someone needs to know, isn’t something that will stay buried.

It’s naïve to think that if we don’t say anything that something will stay dead and buried. No diagnosis for me would never be something that could be withheld from me indefinitely. As a child always asking questions, the universe was completely aware of my struggles.

I think that whatever we don’t know does hurt, particularly if the information we’ve been longing for has been selfishly or wilfully withheld and is too big a secret to keep. I’ve turned knowing late in life that I had Cerebral Palsy into something positive, but if I hadn’t been emotionally strong, I could easily have gone off the rails.

It will always hurt to get to know something that we later go on to find out. It becomes even more hurtful, when we come to realise that the people who should have protected us, simply chose to expose us.


22 Jun, 2017

2 thoughts on “What we don’t know

  1. It sounds a lot like that expression, “Ignorance is bliss,” but that really only applies to those who don’t want to know to begin with.

    I always wanted to know things as a child, but it’s hard to learn anything when you have parents who barely notice that you exist. If anything, they fostered an environment where it was actually better to not know anything, rather than face the horrible truth.

    My friend wonders why it is that I tolerate being in the position that I’m in, but compared to how I grew up,this is pretty mild. It’s kind of a situation where dealing with the Devil you know is preferable, to dealing with the alternative.

    What I do know is that both of us were robbed of a lot of opportunities, to have led more of a normal life had we known what the real issues were. Yes, if you hadn’t been such an emotionally strong person, you would have probably given up like I did, once I felt like there wasn’t any hope.

    Intellectually I knew better, but emotionally I had been beaten down so much that I really didn’t care anymore. My Mother won, seeing as her intention seemed to be to break my spirit and she did a fantastic job.

    My biggest struggle now is overcoming those old messages of I’m not worthy, to feel like I actually am and that it is finally okay to have my own life. I’m not expecting happiness, but it would be nice to at least be able to be comfortable in my own skin.

    1. Thank you Randy. Yes, when anyone doesn’t know what they deal with, they are robbed of the understanding that comes with finding out.

      It’s very easy to want to give up of course, and you could be forgiven for giving up, but I still believe that where we feel there is no hope, something inside of us, just keeps saying don’t give up and where we do give up, we find our way back.

      It’s disheartening of course, but after years of trying to escape from our dysfunctional childhood, we actually manage to recreate it. That I believe is true and is what perhaps you have.

      It’s all to do with attachment and unconscious mental models. We replicate what we’ve known and what we’ve seen from our parents. But just because we have doesn’t mean we can’t change it.

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