Where I’m at today

I know I have written about acceptance and closure before, but I’m questioning now, whether Cerebral Palsy is something I will be able to accept or bring closure on. Tomorrow I know that may all change depending on where I’m at emotionally.

I tried to close the bedroom blinds yesterday and as I did I fell over the cross-trainer. I misjudged my footing and caught my foot under the radiator cracking my toenail, bruising my foot, ankle and knee badly and knocking my face on the sill.

I know I have to pace myself, consciously make myself aware so that I have balance. I have to remember to pace myself and allow myself the time to work through what I know I can do and stop what I know isn’t working for me, like thinking I can walk normally without having to think about spacial awareness.

I continue to feel that I am being judged and comparisons are being drawn on what others think I should be able to do. As we struggle with what we deal with, it’s easy for others to pass comments. That’s the part I find difficult.


1 Sep, 2010

8 thoughts on “Where I’m at today

  1. “I know I have to pace myself, find my balance and keep that balance. I have to remember to pace myself and allow myself the time to work through what I know I can do and stop what I know isn’t working for me, like thinking I can walk normally without so much as a thought as to what may happen if I don’t think about what’s in front of me.”

    OMG I feel the EXACT same way! and we ARE judged and compared to others on a daily basis.

    1. Thanks for posting Bill. It’s nice to know we’re not alone in our struggles. I am sure there are many more who deal with CP who feel what we feel.

  2. I think I now have a better understanding of what you are talking about here. Since having sciatica this summer I have not regained full strength and feeling in my right leg and foot and go through the same thing… I have to watch my footing and remember that I can’t just run around like I did before.

    I trip more easily and need to be very careful on uneven terrain. I have also wondered what people think when they see me limping around, I know for me it is affecting my self-image but I am trying hard to just go forward and not worry about what others think… easier said than done. I can only imagine what it is like to go through your whole life this way.

    1. Thanks Lisa. I don’t draw myself into what other people think syndrome, what they think is up to them, although I’d be lying if I said it never bothered me as a child, because it did. It affected my self-image as a child, but I have grown through the experience and feel more at ease with myself now. I am in a better place now for sure.

      Thank you for your concern and your kind thoughts of what I deal with… and thank you for your support. I hope you’re feeling better today.

  3. Try to take your time. I know when I try to go too fast that is when I will fall. Plus try to concentrate on what you are doing. If I have too much on my mind I will fall too. Of course by now I have lived with CP nearly 55 years. Live & learn. I speak from experience.

    1. Thanks Randy. I was actually taking my time when this happened! I was stroking the cat just before it happened so lost concentration for a few minutes.

  4. I now know due to the nerve thing in my leg. Since I drag my foot a little now I trip easily… and I still have family members that think I can do whatever they can. They just don’t get it! I don’t care what they think anymore, that’s their problem. Sorry you got hurt. I hope you heal quickly and don’t have a lot of pain.

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