You’re on your own

I remember my father once telling me when he was ill that it doesn’t matter what you deal with, you’re on your own. Whether you’re dealing with a redundancy; a broken leg; or something else that changes the way we get to deal with life, ultimately you’re dealing with it on your own.

It’s not that others don’t want to help, but no one but us can sort out our problems. Of course we may have empathy for what others deal with, but the realities are that once the door is shut, we’re very much on our own.

Of course, most people are well intentioned. I remember when a neighbour knocked on to see how Daniel was doing when she first heard from another neighbour that he had been assaulted. Now things have gone quiet.

As we go about our daily lives, we tend to forget what other people deal with, as we try to deal with our own problems. We forget to ask, or think about other people. Looking out the window some more, as I began to think those thoughts, people we’re still hurrying about their lives.

For a split second it felt like that everyone around us had forgotten what we were going through. That’s the way life goes.


21 Sep, 2011

8 thoughts on “You’re on your own

  1. This is so true. You make some really good points here.

    I remember when my father died. After a few months my mum’s friends were really honest with her and said that she was going to have to ‘shape up or ship out,’ as while they would always stand by her they reminded her that some people wouldn’t.

    She then realised that she was essentially on her own and had to make a concerted effort. She learned to drive, started booking holidays etc.

    While it was a hard lesson for her, it was the brutal truth.

    1. Thanks… totally agree with everything you say including your last point. Although your mum’s friends made their point; their point is a lesson for all of us.

      It’s life and there is nothing we can do about it.

  2. I truly feel this way right now. My brother and his family are so busy with their lives they rarely phone.

    My sister in law has not replied to an email I sent her over 2 weeks ago. They will be here when I am away visiting my Uncle.

    My father is only interested in himself and only himself.

    1. I think what you describe Randy can be the nature of family. We can only make ourselves stronger and change the way we behave. If you’re not happy, perhaps it’s time to say something.

  3. I can certainly relate to this entry. Since my diagnosis and starting of treatment almost a month ago, people rarely ask me anything. It sometimes seems as if it’s something that vanishes in an instant, but it doesn’t.

    Other people sometimes wonder why I’m tired all the time or why I don’t feel like doing something, reason being they have forgotten about my struggles. It’s true sometimes you are on your own.

    You are forced to live with your own set of hardships, while even when you mention them to others, most of the time it is only a part of them in passing.

    1. I totally agree with you LeAnna; it seems to be a common failing; but I honestly believe that the people who care about you the most, won’t forget your struggles.

      They are the ones who stand out from the crowd, the ones that want to know you and help you. They do exist, they’re just very rare.

  4. I grew up feeling on my own most of the time. I really had no friends that I could count on and my family either didn’t understand or didn’t care. I struggle with loneliness still.

    I’ve gotten used to it and sometimes I like being on my own so I can sort out my problems. It’s not a fun place to be, but sometimes it’s where we need to be.

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