Recognising our own qualities

Do we ever think about what we like about ourselves or what is good about us?  Do you pay yourself compliments on your achievements or complement others only on what they achieve, but wishing we had done more? We might do that with our children, with other people’s children, but probably reluctant to do it for ourselves.

Did your parents complement you? Did they acknowledge your achievements or those achievements of your siblings? Do you find it difficult now to give out compliments because you were never paid a compliment? Perhaps now is the time to change all of that. Write down all the qualities you feel you have. Acknowledge your achievements.

These issues aren’t about you. These issues are other’s inability to support you, to allow you to do these things.


25 May, 2011

10 thoughts on “Recognising our own qualities

  1. Today is going to be a good day, I felt it when I woke up. I am starting to believe in my abilities again and this was a great post for me today. Thanks.

    1. I am so pleased you’re beginning to believe in your own abilities again. Your abilities we there all the time laying dormant, waiting for you to pick them back up.

      My own belief is that it’s never too late to go back to believing in ourselves and even if we’ve never done it, we can learn to do it. Today is the beginning of the rest of your life.

      Good luck.

  2. This is a great post.

    We all need validation and who better to provide it than ourselves by sitting down and acknowledging our special qualities and achievements.

    We all have these qualities, for various reasons we just forget we have them.

    1. I think there is a lot of truth in what you say.

      If we don’t get the best start in life we don’t always get to see our own qualities, but it’s not to say that we won’t ever recognise what we do have or go on to achieve.

      Some will obviously recognise their own qualities a lot sooner than others, but I believe it can be achieved.

  3. I wasn’t raised in a world where our qualities were really noticed, let alone acknowledged or even encouraged. We were lucky if our parents even paid attention to our existence most of the time.

    Now I know that I have to give that to myself, so I can self parent myself. I know that I do have some good qualities deep down and it’s just a matter of bringing them to the surface. Knowing the problem is half the battle at this point.

    I just have to learn how to fix things before I can truly move on!

    1. I think that generation of parent parented like that. My parents found it hard to encourage and acknowledge. You already know what the problem is and why you were never encouraged or acknowledged.

      When we accept that it happened we can work on change. It starts with recognition of your own accomplishments. Working through something that may seem tough at the time is still an accomplishment.

      Try recognising your accomplishment and tell yourself you’ve achieved it; something your parents should have done with you a long time ago.

  4. I really don’t remember receiving compliments as a child or young person, but my sister got all the compliments.

    I do compliment others often and I receieve compliments now, but not many from my mother or other family members, except for my daughter.

    My husband doesn’t even compliment me anymore like he used to. I think we’ve just gotten in a rut and don’t expect things from each other like we used to.

    1. It’s good Lisa that you’re complimenting others, but a shame that you didn’t have that as a child from your parents, particularly as your parents seemed to give all the credit to your sister. Parents are usually the ones who instill confidence in us through compliments of our actions and progress.

      I think you’re right about your husband though. The going out phase and being nice to each other, paying each compliments stage, tends to fade into the background when stress, life and children come along.

      I always pay my family compliments whether it be through school, university or a good deed, or just by looking nice. It’s amazing how good it makes us feel when we hear those words.

      You’ve changed all of that now and that’s good.

  5. Well said Ilana.

    It’s interesting. I think my parents are proud of me and I do get compliments every once in awhile from them, but I myself still don’t feel like they understand my achievements and my point of view on things or my judgement for that matter.

    I mean I’m the first person on either side of my family to graduate from college, no one else even started college, I don’t think. I’m pretty proud of that, but I think it gets overlooked a ton because I don’t use my degree at the moment, but it was still incredibly hard to get through college, I was having panic attacks and working while going to college, it was hard times.

    I also think I use pretty good judgment a lot. I think things through before I do them, I research things. I also don’t smoke or drink, or do drugs. But I still feel like my parents questions everything I do.

    The irony is I’m correct most of the time with my judgement, not saying I’m perfect, but I do use sound judgement and it usually pays off. Whether it be something I buy, I always research it first, or something I decide to do, I think everything through and the possible outcomes.

    But they still question me a lot. It just gets tiring having to proof myself over and over to my family, I’m really at the point where I don’t proof myself to anyone anymore, I’m happy with my judgement and I’ve made smart judgements in my life and if I screw up I’ll own up to it, its that simple. But good post, it got me thinking.

    1. Lovely to see you on site Tim. I know exactly what you mean. I spent my life either trying to be accepted, pleasing my parents or for them to notice me. None of it worked of course.

      When I actually decided to stop doing all of those things I become more at peace with myself. We often spend too much time trying to please our parents, we forget to think about ourselves, what we want and what we’ve achieved.

      It’s time to think about you now. Don’t make excuses for how you are. You have many good attributes, hopefully one day your parents will see those and even if they don’t others will see those attributes.

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