Respect & disrespect

Something inspirational:

“When someone disrespects you, beware the impulse to win their respect. For disrespect is not a valuation of your worth but a signal of their character.”

BRENDAN BURCHARD


19 Sep, 2017

12 thoughts on “Respect & disrespect

  1. Considering as a kid I was forced to try winning the respect of those who disrespected me, it’s no wonder I have done pretty much the same thing my whole life.

    When given the choice to choose a woman who seemed to love me and one who has treated me like an idiot child, why on earth did I choose the latter? Even to the point of sacrificing most of my freedom and dignity, which makes no sense to anyone, especially me!

    This is a very bitter pill to swallow, since I have wasted most of my life doing this; without anyone really telling me that I didn’t have to and that I didn’t need anyone’s permission to live my own life.

    The most I usually ask from people is to be treated the same way I treat them, which I don’t think is too much to ask for in the long run.

    1. As you say Randy we live what we know. We also copy what we know without realising that is what we’re doing.

      That said, as the adult we get to change, we also get to choose. I don’t believe anyone has to stay where they are. As for respect, it is very hard to respect those who behave in the way you describe.

      As this quote identifies it definitely is ‘a signal of the other person’s character.’ It’s never about our own worth.

  2. It seems a little unnatural to live in the sky, so high that you think you’re above respect. That’s a matter of internal conflict, I’m sure.

    So out of habit, I put distance between me and disrespectful people; I smile, clear my throat and move on.

    1. Yes, quite. Thanks Tim. I’m just not sure how much disrespect is down to not having discipline or values growing up, or how much of it is down to negative experiences.

      I absolutely agree with you that no one is above respect, but that doesn’t stop them thinking they are. I also agree with you about putting distance between us and disrespectful people.

      We may need to go back to basics on this.

  3. I’m with Tim on this. If someone disrespects me then I’m done. They don’t deserve me so it’s time to say ‘adios’ and I’m out of that relationship.

    1. Thanks, yes I agree. With family it’s slightly more difficult. Sadly, family aren’t the best of people to deal with. As they say, ‘you can choose your friends, but not family.’

      We all have a right to say something, in theory that works; in practice when it comes to family, it’s much more difficult.

  4. That’s so right, its a matter of their character inconsistencies. I fear that at the times I get hurt with it.

    I don’t like people who act fresh. It makes me feel like they don’t care if they hurt me. I have to realize it’s them and not me. They can have that hot potato back!

    1. Thanks Maria and welcome back to the site. Yes you’re absolutely right. Where people have character inconsistencies, they will always behave in the way you suggest.

      And you’re right again, they will unconsciously set out to hurt others because of those inconsistencies. In those cases, it will always be about them and not about you. Right again.

  5. I always sense when someone is trying to sit in judgement of me and when it’s true I don’t try and justify my worth.

    Instead I consider the source and their own misgivings, if they find the need to point fingers at me.

    1. Thanks Brian. I love the fact that you don’t try to justify your worth. That shows maturity and understanding; that you too can and do make mistakes.

      I also think you’ve raised a good point in your second paragraph. That although we make mistakes, so too do others. That perhaps before they point the finger at us, they too should look at their own misgivings.

      It’s okay us seeing their misgivings and weighing those up, but those people have to see it for themselves. Great response.

  6. This is hard for me to remember but such a great reminder for everyone. We all deal with such jerks, sometimes on a daily basis, that when caught up in the moment is hard to remember.

    1. Thanks Bonnie. Yes in the heat of the moment, it’s not something that sticks in our minds. I’ve had that too most of my adult life. A lot of our thinking is our lifestyle choice.

      A choice which when honed allows us to think differently, particularly when we’re faced with people who show no respect. What others do or so, unless they’re being conciliatory is always about them.

      If you’re ever caught up in that situation, remember to say to yourself, ‘this isn’t about me, it’s about you and emotionally let it go.’

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