A sense of self

Perhaps we need to find where we want to be in the world and how we want people to see us and perhaps we have to lead ourselves through the most difficult of circumstances for us to find our sense of self.

As a child, I had no sense of self, it’s something I’ve had to work on continuously throughout my adult life. Our sense of self includes behaviors and associations that we consider the most important about ourselves. Of course, as our life moves on, other people’s comments and attitudes can wear down this natural sense of self.

With a sense of self, we’re more confident, self-assured and therefore more likely to understand how we see ourselves, what we want for ourselves and how we see others. All of those things will play out in the way we handle things. I would say a sense of self is critical for just about everything.

Without it, we will never make sense of anything that happens to us, but with it we will learn more about ourselves and of our lives. It’s how we function. Our sense of self is our identity, it’s who we are.


26 Nov, 2014

8 thoughts on “A sense of self

  1. Yes, I totally agree with you. We do need a sense of self.

    We also need to feel useful and needed sometimes. Our parents need to encourage this sense of self when we are children so we feel needed and not lost.

    1. Thanks Lisa. It comes down to how we feel about ourselves and whether we feel worthy. When we feel worthy we will feel useful and needed.

      I agree with you that a sense of self comes down to our parents’ parenting us when we are children. We need to have this in our formative years, if we are to succeed as adults and feel worthy.

  2. I haven’t had a sense of “self” since I was probably 3 years old when I almost died from pneumonia!

    Part of me also died at that time, because most 3 year olds aren’t usually wishing that they hadn’t come back from almost dying! Most people won’t believe what I went through so I don’t often even mention it.

    It has been a constant sense of being disconnected from the world around me and myself so it was ten times harder for me to connect with the world and other people. It’s no wonder I haven’t fared very well in life because I felt like a ghost most of the time.

    It’s a great concept when you’re trying to survive but doesn’t work very well for living!

    1. Thanks Randy. I’m not sure at the age of 3 I could remember anything about my experiences, let alone those experiences. I think my memories start at about the age of 9. It is completely commendable on your part that you have remembered such things, but I am sure those memories aren’t what you would want to remember your childhood by.

      I do hope that in time Randy, those memories will fade to be replaced by the memories you create for yourself that you do have control over, which constitute happier times.

  3. I have to say, I’ve had a very difficult time of self-worth and self-identity. I’ve tried for employment over and over again for about 3 yrs, to no avail. No one wants to hire people who are limited.That in itself can cause low esteem and depression, which has happened. So I finally got some sense and filed for disability.

    Which would be better for my kids, having me home then having a job that hardly pays and keeps me from my kids. I’m still young and there are things I still want to do, which I find myself overwhelmed where to start.

    Once a stable income is coming in, I’ll be able to focus on that more.

    1. Why don’t you look into voluntary work for now. You’d be brilliant at it because you already have what it takes to understand what other people feel, having gone through so much yourself.

      You won’t be earning doing voluntary work, but you will get some of that sense of self back, by helping or talking to other people. It doesn’t have to be full time, just two to three days a week.

      Yes, it would be lovely to think that at some point the world will catch up with itself and make the work place more accessible to people who do live with a disability. I hope in our lifetime that will happen unconditionally across the board, but we still have a way to go.

      Companies who do take on disabled people, tend to shout it out, which I hate. I’m not sure why it has to be advertised to the world. Just do it, but don’t make out we’re doing something extraordinary. That’s part of the problem, it is extraordinary, not the norm.

  4. That’s right. Couldn’t agree more! Yes I need to get out there to do volunteer work. It would help a lot.

    I used to work at a drug rehab and absolutely loved it! Helping people get on their feet and helping them realize their self worth is one of my passions.

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