Changing personalities

18 Apr 2016

How we see ourselves in a close relationship, can prompt us to alter how we define our identities, both in negative and positive ways.

Our affections towards our significant half can influence how we see ourselves. Confidence and self-esteem and our dispositions, can influence changes in us in either negative or positive ways. Whom we choose to spend our time with, can easily influence our own feelings of self-worth and may simultaneously reveal a different side to our character, through those experiences.

The same way we change to fit into our environment, we change to fit into our relationships. Unfortunately, for people with low self-esteem they may come to change their views to fit in with their partners’ negative characteristics, rather than emulate their positive ones, but people with high levels of self-esteem and confidence tend to do the opposite.

The high self-esteem traits we recognise in ourselves, we seek to find and want in our people including our partners. Those people with high self-esteem are less likely to want to settle for character traits that don’t serve their purpose, particularly if they’re more positive and already have a belief system in place.

It’s not great when we choose to behave differently with our partners just to fit in. It’s important to be with the right person who will choose to elevate, not judge and who will offer support.

It will always end in heartache if anyone chooses to emulate their partner, just to fit into their partner’s life.

4 Responses to “Changing personalities”

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  1. Randy 18. Apr, 2016 at 4:25 pm #

    I have spent most of my life changing personalities like a chameleon, to fit into whatever environment I was in at the moment.

    It wasn’t surprising that they diagnosed me as having a mixed personality disorder in the hospital when I was awaiting discharge! I had no idea who I really was at the time, but all I knew at that time was that I didn’t want to be a soldier anymore.

    I could have gotten treatment then and really should have, but I didn’t want to be crazy like my mother and be on all those pills like she was. I didn’t want to accept that I did have a mental illness, on top of being an alcoholic, so I turned out to be just like BOTH of my parents!

    Now I have to work on figuring out which personality is my own. I haven’t really felt like myself, since I was probably 3 years old and had a clear sense of my own identity.

    I have spent most of my life being whoever everyone else wanted me to be, so I wouldn’t be alone. My parents barely even acknowledged I existed other than when they wanted something from me. Nothing to make you feel wanted than to be used as a pawn in their twisted mind games!

    They seemed to enjoy reminding us that they were only together because of us, basically saying that it was all our fault that their lives were so miserable.

    I still wonder how it is that I didn’t end up with a multiple personality disorder (or DID, as they call it now.) It normally should have happened considering the amount of trauma we went through as children!

    There are many times that I almost wish that they would have physically abused us, since physical wounds actually heal but the mental wounds never fully do! People can’t comprehend what it was like to be beaten down and torn apart, mentally,on a daily basis as a child.

    I’m sure they think of us as horrible when we talk so callously about our parents, but they weren’t there during the worst of it. I just want to be able to feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life!

    • Ilana 18. Apr, 2016 at 4:52 pm #

      Thanks Randy. I think it sad that you felt the need to change to fit in to your life, but inspirational that you’re here and are telling your story. I feel that has to happen.

      It doesn’t change your past, but it does change your perceptions on your past, when you can see past the scars on how your parents behaved and from your words you very much can.

      I personally believe mental scars although invisible, are just as bad as physical scars. I don’t condone either. With physical scars we understand more quickly because we can see the bruising. With mental scars unless someone’s behaviour becomes obvious or is a concern, the public will never know how mentally ill or scarred that someone is.

      I knew from an early age I didn’t fit in and didn’t try to. Perhaps now you can please yourself more. Let others fit into your idea of how life is.

  2. Tim 18. Apr, 2016 at 7:57 pm #

    I changed my personality once, hoping to receive honorary acceptance with someone who really didn’t love me and I shrank myself in the process.

    Perhaps the most pathetic thing in the world is trying to fit into someone else’s pathetic world; and for that, I was terribly disappointed in myself.

    • Ilana 18. Apr, 2016 at 8:08 pm #

      Thanks Tim. She must have been someone you thought was very special.

      What you did wasn’t unique, but completely understandable. When we want someone to love us and for us to be loved, we do think and behave in the same way as that person.

      That’s what we do, but the cracks will always show when we begin to struggle to keep up with the momentum of going against who we really are.

      I wouldn’t be too disappointed in yourself Tim, it sounds as though you learned a very good lesson from your experience.

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