Choosing not to care

It’s important we care, but it’s not always important to care. There is a difference. We spend our lives caring, sometimes too much, but caring only works when that someone we care about, cares about us.

Over a lifetime we come to concern ourselves over people who don’t care about us. We also spend a lifetime trying to fit into people’s lives, trying to conform, just so they will care. It’s possible that when we stop caring for those who don’t care about us, we will be free to decide who we care for.

We will also go on to care without concern and without the pressures of caring for the people who its obvious don’t feel the same way about us.


27 Apr, 2016

6 thoughts on “Choosing not to care

  1. Yes,this has always been a very big issue for me, as in caring about people who usually don’t care much about me!

    I grew up with a mother who demanded that I care about her even when it got to the point I hated her for it. Both my parents expected me to care about people who were obviously very sick, but they couldn’t seem to see it, or even chose not to, because they wanted something from them.

    It tends to make you very confused about what it is you’re actually feeling when you are forced to ignore every instinct that tells you you’re in danger! It’s no wonder I always ended up in toxic relationships and with toxic friends because that is what I was used to.

    What it comes down to is learning the difference between when I should care and when I shouldn’t. I have to focus on caring for myself for a change, since I have spent most of my life caring for others!

    The sad part was that they didn’t really even want to help themselves so I was wasting my time and effort. It would be fantastic to actually feel okay with not caring about people who aren’t willing to help themselves.

    My biggest downfall has been being an empath while also being a sucker for a sob story and a pretty face. I just want to be able to stop hating myself so much for being human and to finally be comfortable in my own skin!

    1. I think the sentence when you say that ‘learning the difference between when you shouldn’t care’ is key to understanding how you care and how you can choose not to care.

      I believe it becomes fairly obvious after a while who is on our side and who isn’t. Our perceptions of how we deal with things must change if we are going to stand a chance of changing anything, including who we care for.

      We must learn to see the difference in those people who clearly care for us and those people who say they do, but then very little changes. Those who do care will not only say they care, but will show us they care and will go out of their way to help.

      From my own experience, those people are few and far between. People tend to help in the way they know how or have been taught and that in itself can be a problem; particularly if they’re self-absorbed, (only thinking about themselves).

      Perhaps we must come to understand our lives and people better. That way we won’t get caught out as much and we get to choose.

  2. I agree completely with your blog. I used to care too much, especially what other people thought of me and that dictated how I acted towards them.

    One person in particular used to make me feel that I had something to prove to him, while demanding I care but not giving it back.

    Thankfully I woke up and decided he had something to prove to me, which he spectacularly failed to do and that helped me realise, as you say that I should only care if that person cares too.

    1. I believe we’ve all done and continue to do what you’ve done. No one should have to prove themselves to anyone. I’ve never bought into that philosophy but for a quiet life we do conform a little more than we should, or even have to.

      The reality has been for me that I care where people genuinely care about me. I tend to care less where I can see I’m getting hurt. I believe relationships must be equal or there is no point because we’re the ones who will eventually get hurt.

  3. The last time I cared carelessly, I drank whiskey, because I couldn’t bring myself to confront the denial of love and a few failures that went with it.

    That’s when I actually met the CP Diary and I haven’t had a drink since.

    1. If I had a response for the day, your response would be the response Tim.

      Sometimes the denial of love has nothing to do with us and has everything to do with the other person. It’s not what you couldn’t bring to the table, it’s what the other person couldn’t and didn’t bring. If we can come to understand how the emotions work, we will recover quicker.

      I am pleased The CP Diary has shown you a different way to think, but even with this information to hand, we have to be able to put ir into practice and change the way we perceive and get to live our lives.

      From what you say, I haven’t done that Tim… you have. You’ve made my day, thank you.

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