Trying too hard to make any relationship work means the relationship is forced. Forced relationships can be uncomfortable and hard work and yet those are what many of us deal with. No relationship should ever be forced. If you’re having to force something, it will never fit.
But do we think of relationships as being forced?
I’m not sure we ever consciously make the connection. All our thinking is done on an unconscious level. Forced relationships aren’t just subjected to one-on-one relationships, they also happen in families, with siblings. And although we never think about those relationships as being forced that is what they are.
Being forced doesn’t necessarily mean we’re doing something against our will, but it means we’re also trying too hard to make something work. The thought of holding a gun to someone’s head is what we may correlate with being forced, but there are different ways to look at something that is forced.
Unfortunately, we spend a lifetime trying to figure out how to make our relationships work. We also spend a lifetime, putting a huge amount of energy into trying to convince not only ourselves, but our other half that we’re perfect for each other, but perhaps that’s the point. We shouldn’t have to. Any relationship that needs that amount of energy to make it work, isn’t right.
Like a good wine, conversations and relationships should flow. Two souls that come together, don’t need to be continually worked on. When emotional barriers go up, everything becomes forced. Either we’re not getting it or we don’t want to admit, or we scared to move on alone, but we tend not to admit what’s obvious and staring us in the face.
As the familiar serves as a gentle reminder of where we are, we fail to see or accept that we must make new decisions, if we want to change the dynamics of the relationship, but that needs to happen.