Handling ourselves

I believe that not handling ourselves emotionally will lead to a lot more stress than we bargained for. In my formative years, it wasn’t so much that I didn’t deal with my emotions.

Being angry meant my emotions were dealt with, although slightly misplaced, but had the emotional support have been in place, I would have handled myself better. Emotions are scary and because they’re scary, we don’t always know how to handle them.

The mood swings, retreating into our shell, they’re part of the same scenario and need dealing with before they impact ours and others’ lives. Emotions are our most valuable tool and will often bridge the gap between us staying well and becoming ill. They impart important messages along the way for us, all we have do is listen.

It’s important that we at least learn how to process and cope with our emotions effectively, so that we have a chance of staying well. Where we don’t know what we’re feeling, we must dig deep, try to identify the emotions to work out its message. If the issue we have involves someone else, then it’s important we talk to that someone, to try to work through a comprise or find a middle ground.

I tend to work on the assumption that for every issue there is a solution, therefore I work to find out the solution. It’s often more important than the issue itself, because it has so many connotations if it’s not deal with effectively. If we handle our emotions badly, the issue we’re dealing with will often spiral out of hand and will cause the mandatory fallouts.

We also know that those of us who handle stress better have healthier immune systems and don’t get sick as often. All the more reason to handle ourselves well. Handling our emotions better also slows down the ageing process, by 16 years I believe.


22 May, 2016

6 thoughts on “Handling ourselves

  1. In common with most hot blooded males, I may not been the best at expressing emotions, especially when stressed; as I tend not to deal with my emotions, but I know I need to change that.

    1. Yes, men more than women are less likely to deal with their emotions and that will always have a bearing on how they handle themselves.

      How we handle ourselves is the most important thing we can do and is the difference between successful relationships and non-successful relationships.

      I believe there is too much of a stigma already around how men behave. Society tends to pigeon hole for being a certain way. I think if more of us learned how to handle ourselves better, we’d be more inclined to want to deal with our emotions.

      Although our inability to talk about and act on our emotions come from our early years, I believe it’s learned behaviour that needs to be re-learned again. I believe we can all change, hot blooded male’s included.

      Where women talk freely about their feelings, men constantly need to be encouraged.

  2. I was taught to always wear a mask of composure, even when I felt like jumping out of my own skin. I’m afraid of what I’d see or what I’d feel, anyway.

    1. Yes, back then we were classed as ‘seen and not heard children.’ We learned not to express ourselves because it wasn’t considered ‘right.’

      I also don’t think our parents were equipped to deal with their emotions let alone their children’s emotions. To be able to express ourselves, we have to be open and transparent, so unfortunately, the mask you talk about was permanently fixed.

      We learned very quickly that if we had an issue, it was our issue to solve. I think that’s why I internalised a lot. It was my way of trying to understand my life without having to involve anyone else.

      Handling ourselves is the most important thing we will do in our lifetime. Get that wrong and we will never the outcomes we want.

  3. Handling my emotions wasn’t something that anyone taught me how to do, so the only choice I had to was to bury them all.

    It was better for me to feel nothing, rather than suffer through having to feel everything in the environment I grew up in. There was a lot of neglect and trauma that we were subjected to, which would have rendered other people totally insane.

    I actually became accustomed to the chaos and insanity by sheer necessity in the quest for survival. Most people who went through what I did would have become a psychopath like Norman Bates, which didn’t happen for some reason. There was enough of a moral compass left inside me to keep me from going that far.

    I haven’t felt much of anything for a very long time. You can survive by operating like a machine, but it isn’t much more than just existing. I wasn’t exactly allowed to have a life of my own as a child, so I have always felt obligated to take care of everyone else’s needs instead of my own.

    It has taken a very long time and two decades of counselling for me to finally feel like it’s okay to live. I can’t change the past so I have to learn how to make the best of the present and what time I have left in the future. I don’t want to spend the rest of it just existing!

    1. It’s absolutely okay for you to live your life Randy. It’s absolutely okay for you to feel the things you felt and continue to feel and it’s absolutely okay for you to think different thoughts so that you work through the healing process.

      I can resonate with some of the things you mention in your blog. I think it takes a strong character and our ability to see ‘through’ our circumstances and you have the ability to do both.

      Even living through some hard times Randy, you still had your moral compass to guide you. It’s got me through some emotional times too.

      I believe you still have it and it is okay for you to live your life Randy. I’ll second that.

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