In the driving seat

It’s easy to think we have control, but then when we look at the bigger picture, we come to realise we have little control at all. It’s only when we look back that we see the pattern of events that have shaped the decisions we’ve made that leads us to know that someone else has been in the driving seat.

But although others may have the upper-hand, it’s never too late to do something about it. As my blogs show we can change at any age and at any time. We just have to want to. It’s also something we may be driven to, when we hit rock bottom, enough to make those crucial changes.

We can work through personal individual scenarios and circumstances and I believe we can all change. We can be in the driving seat if we choose to be, but fundamentally we have to walk away from whoever is holding us back.

The problem can sometimes be that where more than one family member is involved and we have children to consider, it makes our job and decision to walk away that little bit harder. I note my own circumstances and life when I talk about that.

And where we still want to do what’s right, sadly others don’t think they need to. I’m not sure why family members often feel it’s their right to conduct themselves in the way they often do. They may have the right with their own children, but not with another child who isn’t their own.

As parents, it’s our job to make sure we’re in the driving seat and if we’re not, we must work on that. Where we’re not in the driving seat, we must choose how we handle the situation and not be afraid to speak out, or walk away.

Walking away although it seems final, realistically it’s often the only option if we want to break the cycle of what I see as abuse, but sadly that’s not without its repercussions.


4 Nov, 2017

2 thoughts on “In the driving seat

  1. Yes, I am reminded of the fact that I’m not in control as much as I would think I am by things like not having electricity for 5 days.

    It’s not a very pleasant feeling, seeing as I was forced to depend on people who weren’t dependable as a kid and always having to wait for them to do the right thing. I don’t like being dependent on anyone or anything, but seeing as I was brainwashed into thinking that I had to live that way, I haven’t always done anything differently.

    I wanted so desperately to not be anything like either one of my parents, but I turned out just like them and so much worse. I have wasted so much of my life trying to be the one driving my life, when in reality I didn’t have much of a clue as to what I was really doing.

    I like to call it being a rebel without a clue, seeing as that’s how I was living my life for the longest time. They call it learned helplessness from the way I grew up, which gave me the impression that I’m not able to live the way I want to; but you have shown me that it is possible, at any age.

    Even though my life was pretty horrible at times seeing as I wasn’t able to address my issues, it helps a lot to be able to accept that I do have them and that it is okay if I work on them.

    My parents buried us under a mountain of guilt, shame and remorse because they refused to address their issues, but that doesn’t mean that I have to continue to do the same. I have watched so many people try to act like saints without dealing with their core issues and they turn out to be anything but.

    I may not be perfect, but at least I’m trying to deal with my issues and be a better human being. I’m sure my daughter will come to appreciate it along with everyone else.

  2. Thanks Randy. When you say, ‘my parents buried us under a mountain of guilt, shame and remorse because they refused to address their issues, but that doesn’t mean that I have to continue to do the same,’ and you’re absolutely right.

    You really don’t have to continue to do the same. Although we live one way, we are very much in control as long as we are prepared to address our issues and change our circumstances.

    I love and feel empowered that you’re trying to deal with your issues and that’s great. To do that we must make a few small changes. I believe you can.

    My mum used to preach, ‘you’re a long time dead at me’ but I can’t remember why or what the circumstances were behind her it, but I smile now because there was clearly a message to her preaching it at me.

    She was right. It’s important we get our lives in order whilst we’re here and we still can. My own experiences have shown me that.

    Just never give up Randy, or stop trying.

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