Keeping control

24 May 2016

It’s one thing being shown or being told what to do, when we’re struggling to understand how to do something, but it’s another thing being controlled by others and yet sadly that is exactly what happens.

It’s almost expected, or we allow it to happen unconsciously because we don’t know how to say no. Any decisions or outcomes in our life should be ours to make and yet in reality they’re not. We conform to other people’s decisions, even though it’s not the life we want.

No one has the right to take or have control over another person’s life, whether it’s a parent child relationship, or a sibling relationship. Although childhood often teaches us how not to do things, living in an environment where control is constantly part of the equation, comes at a cost.

Unless we change how we perceive relationships that involve control, those relationships will never change or get better. Those who control must allow those they control to live their own lives and learn a different way to be.

For those of us who are on the receiving end of control, we must learn how to take control and learn to say no.

4 Responses to “Keeping control”

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  1. Tim 24. May, 2016 at 5:57 pm #

    If you’re in a relationship and you feel like there’s always a battle to be won, usually a control issue is involved and if it’s not addressed it will become abusive and addictive.

    I once heard a man brag of how dominantly he controls his family and I thought about how horribly insecure he must be.

    • Ilana 24. May, 2016 at 6:49 pm #

      Yes I think you’re right. Thanks Tim. All relationships that involve control are abusive and addictive, even if they don’t set out that way.

      I also think anyone who feels the need to control are insecure, but also think abuse may be the primary cause. If there is opposition from those who are being controlled that control can turn into abuse.

  2. Brad 26. May, 2016 at 4:44 pm #

    Control is a pervasive aspect of any relationship and really has no place. I agree with Tim; it often arises out of a person’s insecurity that is then projected on others.

    • Ilana 26. May, 2016 at 4:51 pm #

      That may be true, but it’s also deemed as abuse. No one should be allowed to have control over another person’s life. We are entitled to make our own choices.

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