Learning to compromise

We want to co-exist in perfect harmony and want to be the perfect fit in our relationships. We unconsciously want these things, expect others to compromise and yet we come to compromise very little, with some of us not choosing to compromise at all.

So how do we reach that compromise?

Being open helps us compromise. Being open allows us to be honest in what we’re asking and what we’re expecting back from others. The dynamics of our relationships are very much the catalyst of how we unconsciously choose to communicate, how we interact with others.

From the age of 7 those patterns are already formed. Our upbringing, our environment, the family dynamics, everything we emotionally have to deal with, all play a part in how we choose to interact and whether we will compromise. If we are encouraged to look for compromise in our childhood, we will be more compromising as adults.

Because we’re not always taught how to compromise, we will unconsciously choose to ignore it. Although relationships should be based on compromise, we must never compromise on bad behaviour. By bad behaviour, I mean living without integrity or a moral compass, using sarcasm or ego as a communication tool, not being honest and using words that belittle or set out to hurt. There can be no compromise on those.

We should all want to communicate with integrity, sincerity, truthfulness and decency. When we learn to incorporate all of those things, there will be absolutely no reason for us not to compromise.


3 Jun, 2016

6 thoughts on “Learning to compromise

  1. The beginning of real compromise starts when you see someone as an ally. Two people who go beyond transparency to make concessions to each other, sometimes without words.

    But to be fair, we can only compromise with people we trust, or we risk being burned.

    1. Thanks Tim. I agree. Yes, trust has to be the basis for any relationship to thrive and where relationships thrive there can be compromise.

      For any relationship to thrive there must be compromise.

  2. I didn’t exactly grow up in a world where we had a chance to compromise. It was an all or nothing kind of world without any real grey areas.

    We were kind of just along for the ride most of the time, seeing as my parents did what they wanted to do. There wasn’t any real discussion about what we may have wanted like most normal families do.

    It created an environment where I felt powerless to change anything and my opinion just didn’t matter. I ended up being the dancing monkey, desperately trying to make my mother happy, which I didn’t know was a waste of time. She had very severe mental health issues that were never properly addressed, so we got stuck living through it.

    My Mother expected total loyalty so compromise wasn’t an option in her world. She eventually managed to crush my soul and break my spirit so I gave up fighting and the idea that I had any control over my life. It makes so much sense as to my pattern of abusive and controlling relationships where I have felt the same way.

    You live what you know is what comes to mind, since I felt like I deserved the punishment for the mistakes I made in my life. What it comes down to is that I don’t deserve it and I can choose who I want to have a relationship with.

    I don’t have to always do what I was taught as compromise, when it was more like to always surrender rather than fight!

    1. Thanks Randy, yes after a while we learn that it’s better to surrender than continue to fight, achieve nothing and still live with stress.

      Being seen and not heard children comes into my mind. We weren’t expected to have an opinion and weren’t given an opinion and didn’t know what compromise was back then, but you soon learn or at least see a better way through.

      Our childhoods teach us how not to do things. Not the way we’d like to do things, given a chance, but sometimes it’s the only way for us. It’s what we’re given, good or bad.

    1. Thanks. No one should when it comes to bad behaviour, but plenty of us do. If we have to, I believe there’s something wrong with the relationship.

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