Moving the boundaries

Personal boundaries are what we create to identify what is reasonable and safe, what we will allow. When it comes to our boundaries, most of us will have a sense of right and wrong, what’s deemed appropriate and what isn’t, around our own personal space.

There are individuals of course who just don’t seem to care, or in some cases know or understand. When it comes to boundaries, it’s important how others behave towards us and how we respond back.

There are people who move boundaries to suit themselves and then inflict their boundaries on others, expecting those others to conform to what they want, rather than what others want.

Since boundaries are made up of own beliefs, attitudes and past experiences, it’s only right that others abide by what we want, in effect our rules. Unfortunately, when someone oversteps the mark, they have chosen to ignore any boundaries.

Those people are usually controlling and manipulative and will go through life avoiding responsibility. They usually think the world revolves around them, whilst expecting others to conform to their rules.

They may seem awkward and aloof and show narcissist tendencies, fuelled by an inflated sense of self. They may also be unpredictable. One day they’ll say one thing and the next day will change their minds, with little or no recollection of what they’ve previously said.

Boundaries should always be part of a healthy relationship, but instead they’re often used as a manipulation tool to extract what those people want.


19 Jun, 2016

4 thoughts on “Moving the boundaries

  1. Every now and again I have to intercept people at the precise moment of having my good sense challenged, or they will steal my spirit and my pearls; but that doesn’t mean I’m not caught off guard sometimes.

    1. Thanks Tim. Yes, how familiar this sounds! Even if we’re not caught off guard, it’s still very much a massive challenge, particularly when boundaries are constantly being moved.

      It’s easy to get caught out; I agree.

  2. My boundaries were destroyed by a mother who didn’t seem to think I should have any; and definitely used that to her advantage.

    She went well out of her way to try to crush my spirit and eventually succeeded in brushing aside any boundaries that I had left. The biggest problem with that was that now I am defenceless against every other boundary offender who would hone in on that weakness; like an animal smells fear.

    With the kind of friends I have had in my life, I haven’t needed any enemies! This created so much turmoil and heartache in my life that I often wondered why I bothered and felt completely powerless to stop what was happening to me.

    The reality is that I can set boundaries with people and I don’t deserve to be forced to take whatever comes along. I have spent my whole life feeling like I wasn’t worthy, mostly because of the message that was driven into my very soul that I wasn’t.

    I cannot fathom why parents will do this to their own children, when it most certainly isn’t their fault. My opinion at this point is that if you don’t want to have children in the first place, please don’t.

    I would have rather not been born than to suffer through what I had to as a child. It would be fantastic if I could just enjoy my remaining time, without that nagging thought of ‘What’s the point?’

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, it’s often difficult to comprehend our lives in that way and I personally feel it’s not worth it, suffice to say it’s important to find an acceptance on those experiences and what we have to deal with.

      We cannot change our lives, all we can do is find an acceptance on what’s gone. As a child we’re not equipped to deal with either adult issues or issues in general and therefore will not be able to stop the things that happen; but as the adult I believe we can, but it will take longer.

      I choose to either address or walk away from anything that threatens or interferes with my emotional health, including someone moving the boundaries.

      I believe we all can; it just may take us a little longer to learn.

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