Not being resentful

19 Feb 2016

When we live with something and feel no resentment to that thing, we know we have come through the healing process.

That’s not to say we still won’t have difficult days, particularly when we’re dealing with stress, but any feelings we have will only then be seen as temporary. I believe we will always find a genuine understanding of that process, as long as we continue to make conscious choices around our understanding.

We must learn to hold on, to embrace the happy memories and let go of the painful memories that make us feel sad. We need to understand why someone acts in the way they do to understand their choices around our experiences.

Of course it takes more effort to consciously work through the process, but it’s worth it of course, in the longer term, if it puts us in a better emotional space.

6 Responses to “Not being resentful”

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  1. Bonnie Strickland Johns 19. Feb, 2016 at 7:05 am #

    Amen Ilana I couldn’t agree more! I can say I’m not as resentful as before. The only thing I seem to have difficulty with, is when others think I/we can do what they do.

    Of course I’d love to know what it’s like to pick up 20lbs with one hand, or better yet run through wet cool grass barefoot and do races. I’m sure we’d all love that but it’s okay to be who we are and to never mind of others.

    In addition, today in fact I walked in my house to get my dad and I a coffee. I can only carry one cup at a time, especially going down the stairs.

    Ten years ago I would have resented that I can’t do that while others can. It’s easier and more understanding for me to live in this body.

    • Ilana 19. Feb, 2016 at 8:59 am #

      Thanks Bonnie. Yes it’s not easy when those who should know better forget that we have something that we deal with that makes us unique and different.

      I’m not sure how much of that is forgetful or ignorance, but I suppose that depends on the person. Of course it’s not always that simple, people do deal with their own issues, but one thing has got nothing to do with another. We must be selfless, particularly for those who can’t help themselves and clearly need support.

      I think it’s easier for us to feel less resentful when we have on going emotional support. With no support it’s easy to spiral into resentfulness and stay there. As a child I was very resentful, but with no support it became my coping mechanism.

      That said, when we see people care and want to help it makes all the difference to how we really feel about ourselves and that has a knock on effect on how we deal with ourselves and others.

      I learned how to be own support and that changed my life for the positive.

  2. Brad 19. Feb, 2016 at 9:50 am #

    There is much in my life that I feel I have the right to be resentful of, but I have learned to channel that into acceptance instead.

    It still isn’t great, but that has got to be better than living with bitterness and negativity.

    • Ilana 19. Feb, 2016 at 11:20 am #

      Yes quite, I agree. I think when we learn to look at the bigger picture, we learn so much more about the person we’re resentful of. It’s easy to say we’re through those times, but often our actions and our behaviour belay a different understanding and we’re not.

      It has taken me many years to work through my own resentments. It really isn’t an overnight fix.

  3. Bonnie Strickland Johns 19. Feb, 2016 at 5:55 pm #

    Oh yes for sure! I know for myself, helping other people that have more of a disability than me and doing what I can for them takes all resentfullness away because I’m focusing on someone else’s needs instead of my own.

    That feels really rewarding too.

    • Ilana 19. Feb, 2016 at 6:02 pm #

      Thanks Bonnie, I totally agree. Absolutely. That’s what life is all about. Putting ourselves out there to help others that are less fortunate than ourselves.

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