Positive communication

30 Aug 2016

It matters that how we say what we say resonates with people in positive ways. When we disregard another person’s healthy emotional pathway and instead use pull downs to communicate, it says a lot about us and where we are with our own emotional health.

It’s important that if we want other people’s words to be loving and encouraging back towards us, our words must be met in the same way towards them. Perhaps, we should look in the mirror at our reflection, to look at how we are communicating, so what we do communicate is always positive.

8 Responses to “Positive communication”

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  1. Tim 30. Aug, 2016 at 6:26 pm #

    If you can’t remember the color of my eyes, that’s because our eyes never met; we didn’t regard each other’s humanity.

    This is one of many things I observe and from that alone we surely didn’t communicate, respectfully anyway.

    • Ilana 30. Aug, 2016 at 7:23 pm #

      Thanks Tim. Yes, perhaps that’s part of the problem.

      The picture you paint in your response I feel is a fairly common trait, unfortunately. Not for everyone of course, but we really do need to emotionally connect on all levels for us stay connected.

  2. Randy 30. Aug, 2016 at 8:09 pm #

    This wasn’t exactly something that was practiced in our home growing up. If anything, the opposite was true where there was always negative communication, which was meant to belittle and insult the other parent.

    It was definitely nothing like what they showed on TV, about how families are actually supposed to communicate. I never really learned how to positively communicate with other people, so it’s no wonder I had such trouble socially.

    Why would I even bother to learn, when we never had a social life out of the home anyway? Only now am I finally able to realize what it can be like and I think it’s pretty damn fantastic.

    I really don’t have to live the way I used to, which was so downright miserable.

    • Ilana 30. Aug, 2016 at 8:47 pm #

      Thanks Randy. Yes, when we have so much negativity around family life, it’s difficult to see anything but negativity, but I think it’s something we can learn from and change in our own relationships.

      The lessons we take from living around negativity is to change some of that negativity into positivity. I think you’re right though, negative communication can end up in a battle where other people are rebuked, belittled and insulted, which is neither right or fair.

      All that does is create hostility and is a form of passive aggressive bullying. No one should have to put up with that kind of behaviour and it’s certainly not appropriate.

  3. Bonnie Johns 30. Aug, 2016 at 10:37 pm #

    I agree fully! This week I had an uncomfortable discussion with a very close friend of mine, over the bad decisions she is making. I was very honest but I feel very respectful at the same time.

    I would never want to ever hurt this woman ever. After all, myself and others want the best for her and I couldn’t emphasize that enough. However she feels the world is against her and at the moment aren’t on speaking terms.

    She doesn’t understand why I won’t support her decision making; and what friend would I be or anyone else to see that and not bring it to her attention.

    Right now she is sleeping in her car because of those decisions she chose to make. I pray she sees the light soon!!

    • Ilana 31. Aug, 2016 at 7:15 am #

      Thanks Bonnie. I hear your frustrations and completely understand your predicament. These situations are always sad, but you’re doing what any friend would do, but this cannot be forced and won’t change unless your friend wants to change for herself, to make her life better.

      That’s the sad reality of life. We can show understanding, empathy and compassion to help other people, but we cannot change a life unless that other wants to help change their own life.

      You’ve opened up the communication channel. You’ve put your heart on the line; it’s now up to your friend to find it within her to come back in and seek help for herself. All you can do now is sit back and wait.

  4. Bonnie Johns 31. Aug, 2016 at 8:29 am #

    Thank you Ilana for your encouraging words. I spoke with her briefly this evening, but she still feels and believes the way she does.

    I’ll be here when she’s ready to change things for the better. In the meantime though, I cannot have her drama and personal problems near my family, when she’s “trying” but not enough.

    I pray she’s safe today tomorrow and always.

    • Ilana 31. Aug, 2016 at 8:35 am #

      I would do exactly as you’re doing Bonnie.

      There’s nothing more you can do until your friend makes the first move. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to find change. J K Rowling did the same thing.

      I pray your friend finds the courage to find a way through her problems and soon.

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