Righting a wrong

There’s one thing living a dysfunctional life, but whatever our dysfunctional life, we must choose not to leave this world in the same dysfunctional way, by righting a wrong (or a lifetime of wrongs) with our loved ones.

I recently watched a film called The Judge, about a dysfunctional family and although the father and son, played by Robert Duvall and Robert Downey Jr. showed all the dysfunctional family stereotypes, Duvall chose to put things right with his son before he passed, even though their relationship had been acrimonious for years.

However we live, it’s important we square things with family before we pass. Often underneath layers of dysfunctional behaviour, sits the truth of how we feel about each other. It’s important we say what matters, what we really feel and what we should have said, before our lives became entangled in a gulf of dysfunctional behaviour and whilst we still can.

Better still correct things as you go. Sadly, too many families are left with anger and anxiety issues just before their loved one passes and don’t know how to emotionally correct or change things, once they’re gone.


13 Sep, 2015

6 thoughts on “Righting a wrong

  1. From my experience nothing is as painful as watching your family deal with conflict, confusion and separation before and after the passing of loved ones.

    I would like to go back in time and heal a few wounds, as I tried to do when I was sitting at my sister’s bedside before she died.

    Great post!

    1. I couldn’t agree more on your first paragraph.

      Please don’t be too hard on yourself. Our loved ones know our good points, out bad points, what we struggle with and how we are as individuals. As long as the dysfunctional behaviour isn’t coming from us, I wouldn’t give it a second’s thought.

      The responsibility isn’t always ours. It can often be solely down to our loved ones. We’re not always directly responsible. Our behaviour may sometimes be as a consequence of another person’s behaviour.

      I have seen that happen.

  2. I agree, irrespective of what has gone before I believe we are responsible for at least trying to put things right.

    It’s not right if any of that is down to us, to leave a mess behind when we’ve gone. If that fails, then at least we have fulfilled our obligation and we tried.

    1. Yes I agree with you, we will have at least tried. I’m not sure though, why we don’t try to correct any dysfunctional behaviour while we can. As long as we’re aware we’re doing it, I believe our behaviour is something we can change.

      Either way, it seems pointless for us to wait until the end until we change.

  3. I had been hoping for that with my own parents but both of them admitted nothing and vehemently blamed it on the other!

    I know I just watched that movie recently, but thanks to the wonders of short term memory loss, I don’t remember all of it. So many people go till their dying day downright refusing to right the wrongs they have done. I’m pretty sure that is how the dysfunction carries over into the next generation because nothing ever gets resolved.

    The victims are left to suffer without any closure if the parent dies before things get settled. I know I have wasted a good part of my life waiting for something I should have known I would never get!

    I’m finally trying to break the cycle with my own daughter since she didn’t deserve the treatment she received when I wasn’t in my right mind. She wants to know more of the family history, but I think we may have to skip a few closets that belong to others.

    I have also spent a good deal of my life trying to right other people’s wrongs when it wasn’t my responsibility to begin with. Learning how to tell the difference is a very painful process when you were trained to do other people’s dirty work.

    I have to finally claim my life as my own so that I can finally ‘live’ and not just ‘exist’ like I have for so long!

    1. Thanks Randy, yes as they say the sins of the parents.

      In my experience, parents don’t always admit their faults and take responsibility for mistakes they make in raising us. My parents never accepted that my physical disability existed, let alone tell me what I was dealing with.

      I agree with you that it would be to your advantage for you to finally claim your life as your own, so that you can live and not just exist, the hard part is understanding how to do that.

      If our parents don’t right a wrong for us, which clearly has happened here, we must try to do it for our children.

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