Resentment & the truth

Sadly, persistent feelings of anger will always continue to harbour resentment in us. But what are we really doing when we hold on to resentment and why is it in our best interest to let go?

As we begin to hold on to resentment, we begin to strengthen our identity and feelings as the one who was wronged, but in truth we’re unconsciously attempting to extract compassion and comfort from those who have failed us.

We’re telling others that our experiences and our suffering matters. That we matter, that others must listen, that they must change the way they deal with us. That we won’t allow others to treat us in this way. It’s a cry for help, although from the outset we will never allow ourselves to think that way and we don’t.

We would rather deny than admit we’re hurting. That we’ve been wronged. We would rather carry injustice than admit to others how we feel. We become bitter, embroiled, even twisted. We feel aggrieved, angry, object, or take exception and that continues to feed into our psyche.

But when we come to deal with resentment, we get to deal with the truth behind why we’re holding on to resentment. That we’re the ones that will continue to struggle, because those we’re holding resentment against, probably aren’t struggling at all.


17 Dec, 2017

6 thoughts on “Resentment & the truth

  1. Yes, like it says in the AA book, resentments are the number one offender, which means we can’t afford to hang on to them like we so often do.

    I grew up in a world where resentments were the only thing that kept me going. I struggled with the belief that someday all those who had wronged me would get what they had coming, but more often than not, they didn’t lose a whole lot of sleep.

    My parents for instance, always blamed each other for what happened and neither one ever accepted responsibility for the way we had grown up.

    I spent most of my life swallowing their poison and waiting for them to suffer which never happened. The truth is that nothing will ever change the past so I can only focus on the present and work on changing the future while I still have one.

    1. Thanks Randy. Your parents certainly didn’t get to live they would have wanted and both your parents struggled in the latter years with protracted ill health.

      It’s often difficult to say or equate how our life works, a lot of it is down to us, but I personally believe that being plagued with ill health for a number of years and not having control over our health can be seen as punishment.

      You’re so different to your parents. You’re great at knowing what’s right and playing things right, without taking on your parents’ baggage.

      And from what you say about what your parents, you’re a much nicer person. You aim to please and help where you can. Yes, there may be some resentment in there, but none of us would be human if we didn’t carry some.

      Around the right people, regardless of our upbringing, I believe we often know how to handle things. We tend to come away with a list of how not to do things.

  2. Resentment is an own goal that can inflict more pain and harm than the original experience. It’s all too easy to harbour resentment. I have learned to find a place for the crap I have endured.

    I find it hard to forgive and believe some experiences shouldn’t be forgiven; but equally I don’t forget either.

    1. Thanks. Yes, your beginning sentence sums up your response and you’re right.

      Perhaps if more of us understood that we’d be more inclined to hold less resentment. If the other person shows no remorse then it will be a lot harder to forgive.

      It’s up to the victim and all circumstances are different, but when it comes to abuse, it’s more difficult to forgive.

      Generally we tend to find a place to store our experiences so that we can just get on with our lives.

  3. It helps my comprehension when I just move on, since resentment is not a rational emotional for me.

    But like Brad, I will never forget, because everyone will get the Karma that they need.

    1. Thanks Tim. You’re lucky because resentment isn’t a rational emotional for you.

      I think too many people hold on to resentment. We’d be in a much kinder world if there was less resentment going on.

      It’s not always easy to forget. Karma works but not in all cases. That depends on who is being protected.

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