It is generally understood that we may eventually turn into our parents, unless of course, we consciously choose to opt out.
It’s common when we’re young to emulate, even want to be like our parents, particularly if our parents are good role models. Children look up to their parents because it’s what they know. For the children whose parents get the parenting thing right that’s great, but what about the rest of us? If the latter turns out to be true then unconsciously we need to make a conscious effort not to turn into our parents.
In a child’s formative years, it’s not always easy for that child to consciously make the connection of what goes on around them, but as they grow they become more aware of the role that their parents and siblings play in their lives. It would be difficult not to eventually see it, as over time those things become more obvious.
Changing anything needs to be a conscious effort, because it’s far easier to unconsciously react, than it is to consciously change bad patterns. Any pattern we fall back into is usually an unconscious reaction. When we lack self-awareness we become less aware of any negative patterns or traits.
In family scenarios, it becomes too easy to lose track of the desire to behave differently, even though on an unconscious level we know that is exactly what we need to do. If you’re a parent who grew up with a parent constantly yelling and your child does something to trigger that unconscious emotion, your first reaction may be to yell at that child.
It’s important to stop and control our actions so that we consciously choose to change a response at any given moment. Even if our parents were ineffectual, controlling, neglectful and non-attentive, we have a choice not to be those things.
Once we change one response, we can change other responses too, use our own examples and not those of our parents. We consciously make a change.