We are not our characters

20 Feb 2016

We are not our characters. When we peel back the layers on our characters that is the person we are, our core.

What we become as a consequence of what happens to us in life and the layers of unconscious patterns we build up, is not who we really are. We see the world as we are. We see it through those unconscious patterns we build up over time. Consciously we also include our beliefs, ideas, opinions and fears, some of which make us happy, some of which make us sad. Ideas that allow us to grow, ideas which can also hold us back.

So what is the core and why is it so important?

The core is part of something that is central to its character or existence. It’s the key, the primary part of what makes us, us. Unfortunately though, as we journey through life we continue to build up the layers until we’re no longer recognise ourselves.

The core takes us back to when we were a kid. The part of us that started life without our inhibitions; the part that loved everyone and everything; the part of us that chose not to take sides; the part of us that left our opinions at the front door and chose to make a difference in people’s lives without needing to asking questions first, because we just knew it was right.

With an open mind and no attachment to things, we are able to come back to the core of who we really are. When we take our ego out of the equation, we don’t jump to the wrong conclusions. We come to believe fewer stories because we have no real need for them.

Finally, I believe if we work off our intuition, we will separate fact from fiction and that enables us to concentrate only on the facts.

12 Responses to “We are not our characters”

Post a Comment
  1. Bonnie Strickland Johns 21. Feb, 2016 at 6:39 am #

    I love this blog Ilana. It reminds me and I’m sure most of us who we are as people, souls and who we truly are, as individuals without the world’s interference of who we ‘should’ be.

    • Ilana 21. Feb, 2016 at 8:01 am #

      Awww thanks Bonnie. The irony is that we’re all souls on a spiritual journey, but few of us tap into that concept.

      I’m not sure whether it’s the world interfering in our lives or us allowing ourselves to be taken in by what goes on around us.

      Yes I tend not to buy in to the who I ‘should’ be scenario. It’s far easier if we follow the spiritual path, because we will then know for sure who we should be.

      I believe its earthly trappings that change our sense of self.

  2. Brad 21. Feb, 2016 at 9:55 am #

    We are not our characters. Our characters are often defined by circumstance and by how others relate to others, but that isn’t a true reflection of who we really are.

    We are much more than what people choose to see and define us.

    • Ilana 21. Feb, 2016 at 12:11 pm #

      Thanks, yes I agree, but unfortunately the majority of us tend to hide behind how we are and blame other people because of how we turn out.

      Of course if we don’t like what we have become, it’s up to us to change. Although technically how we turn out isn’t a true reflection of who we are, we are those things until we decide to change.

      Once we peel back the layers, we then become who we really are.

  3. Bonnie Strickland Johns 21. Feb, 2016 at 10:31 am #

    Yes, I agree on the earthly trappings, society, the world we live in and allowing ourselves to get caught up in that.

    I believe we have to keep ourselves grounded, weather it’s religion, spirituality or whatever it is that speaks to our hearts. For me, it’s love, contribution, loyalty and honesty through God.

    • Ilana 21. Feb, 2016 at 12:04 pm #

      Unfortunately we do. The closest thing I have got to changing all of that is spirituality. Spirituality allows me to incorporate all the things you mention in your response and more.

      There are other things that tie in to spirituality of course, but when we can aspire and practice these values, we not only change ourselves, but change our lives too.

      It’s part of the process that both allows for spiritual growth and takes away from those earthly trappings I mention in my blog. If we believe in God, those things will bring us closer. Religion doesn’t necessarily give us that.

  4. Bonnie Strickland Johns 21. Feb, 2016 at 9:08 pm #

    I understand. I know what it’s like to feel trapped in religion, so I believe in our own spirituality with God, however that means to the individual.

    We can keep ourselves true to ourselves and others that way.

    • Ilana 21. Feb, 2016 at 9:14 pm #

      Thanks Bonnie. Yes, we all have different belief systems in place. It’s whatever works for the individual, but character is important and being true to ourselves is part of that.

      If we’re not true to ourselves, we can’t be true to anyone or anything else, including our spiritual or religious values.

  5. Randy 21. Feb, 2016 at 10:48 pm #

    My core, or as I like to think of it, my inner child, has been frozen in carbonite since I was 3 years old! It’s pretty much the first time I really gave up on life and did not want to be here!

    I have spent most of my life developing different characters to make everyone else happy, which never really seemed to work. I learned how to become a chameleon, trying to fit in which proved to be just as disastrous. I long ago lost touch with the person who I was, so I have barely a clue as to who I really am. My true self was buried under mountains of guilt, shame and remorse, most of which was never mine to begin with.

    It does seem to build up, generation after generation and the sins of the father keep getting passed down so that it seems almost impossible to accomplish anything. My Father said my Grandmother cursed our family and in a lot of ways I think she did a fantastic job.

    My Mother was a person who should never have had children,since she was scarcely able to take care of herself, let alone 4 children! Yes, I really do wish at times that I hadn’t been born, considering the nightmares I have been through. People seem to think I shouldn’t be saying those things, but they didn’t have to go through the hell that I did!

    It’s not surprising that I was labelled as having Mixed Personality Disorder by the Army, considering how I was behaving at the time. It was the first of many dissociative episodes to come and each time I found it harder to come back to the real world. I find it nearly impossible to forgive myself for some of the things I had to do just to survive, but I was a child and nobody taught me any different.

    I have seen the worst that humanity has had to offer. I often have to wonder if the human race is worth saving, but I have met many people like Ilana, who do their best trying to make the world a much better place.

    I’m hoping and praying to do the best I can in what time I have left to be a decent human being!

    • Ilana 22. Feb, 2016 at 8:41 am #

      Thanks Randy. You’re not to blame for your behaviour in your childhood. Your parents are to blame because they were your responsibility. They should have shown you a better way to be.

      That said, even if your parents don’t accept or take responsibility for their actions, the universe knows the truth, so you don’t have to accept that you’re to blame. It took me a while to understand that.

      It takes great courage for any parent to admit their faults to their children, particularly when it affects that child and I’m not sure why it has to, but I’ve never come across any parent who has.

      As adults we are responsible for ourselves, but it makes it difficult if we’ve had a particularly traumatic childhood and we’re still expected to be and become responsible, when we’re not feeling it.

      All we can do is continue to work on our emotional health so that we become emotionally stronger. From your responses here on the diary, you are very much aware of your childhood and your family’s role.

      On some level, I know you know you’re not to blame, but letting go is a lot harder than we think. In time when you’ve worked through more of this, I think you’ll begin to feel much better.

      I carried a lot of guilt as a child, into early adulthood, even past my twenties and into my thirties, over the things I couldn’t change and thought I should have been able to.

      It’s important we realise whose guilt we’re actually carrying. It’s easy to see it as our own. It took me a while to make that connection. It’s important to separate our issues, break them down into manageable chunks and then slowly work through them.

      I believe in you Randy and know you’re a good guy with a good heart that always aims to please. I like that.

  6. Bonnie Strickland Johns 22. Feb, 2016 at 5:01 pm #

    What a reply Ilana!! I hope and pray for the best for Randy and hope he can come to terms to let go of any guilt he’s holding that isn’t responsibly his to carry. That way he can move on and be the person he wants to be and be the person he naturally is.

    Ilana, you have the perfect words for anyone that’s in distress!

    • Ilana 22. Feb, 2016 at 5:06 pm #

      Thanks Bonnie! I couldn’t have said that any better, you’re absolutely right. I hope Randy does too.

Leave a Reply