Working on our core values

Unless we walk a mile in another person’s shoes we can never know what that person thinks or struggles with, but that shouldn’t stop us from changing the way we see or behave towards them. That’s down to our core values, how we’re taught to behave as children.

Granted that we’re not all born with empathy, tolerance, compassion or being caring, but we can have these qualities if we choose to work on and own them. There is no reason why we can’t all be tolerant, compassionate, have empathy or be caring. When it comes to any type of behaviour, we can choose to behave differently, regardless of what’s passed.

Although these attributes seem inherent, they’re not as inherent as we think. They just need honing. The world would be much better off, we’d be better off if we thought about other people and put them first when it was appropriate. Putting others first says so much more about us, than those who simply choose to put themselves first.

Putting others first shows others we’re selfless, but for some it’s not always because we consciously choose to be selfless. We have our reasons. Sometimes it’s an attention seeking, or approval issue. We learn from a small age that the way to gain approval from others is to do what they want, so we say yes. I did it for years.

Of course, the problem with that is that we never say no and that never works long term. If more of us were selfless, the world would be safer, we’d all live better lives, we’d communicate better. Putting others first doesn’t have to mean we deny ourselves of our own needs. It’s a question of balance. If our core values were at the heart of our relationships, our relationships would be much better. We’d place more value on them.

Life is about balance, but we should always want to do what’s right. Those things should always be instinctive, part of our core values of who we are, but sadly they’re not. Perhaps that’s where we’re going wrong.

Over the years, core values have and continue to change, decrease in value. It’s the society we’re in and that fundamentally means we’ve changed and not for the better.


30 May, 2017

2 thoughts on “Working on our core values

  1. All the values you mention are fundamental to our growth and to successful relationships. They form part of the code we need to live by.

    While we all programmed by our childhood influences, we can all change that once we see the need to change and recognise that we can change.

    1. Yes, I believe we all need to change, where we can do better, but there are those who won’t admit they need to or can change. I think my site has proved and continues to prove how we can change. But as you fundamentally say, we have and must recognise our own need for change.

      Without having worked through the process myself all those years ago, this site wouldn’t exist. I believe we’re all responsible for ourselves, but until we stop passing the buck, blaming and looking to others to make our lives right, we will never take control for ourselves.

      Our core values are the foundations of life. We cannot fundamentally live together peacefully without it.

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