There will be many who will use this time of year to reflect on their year whilst they're trying to move forward into the New Year. Where I have clarity and understanding about my life, I still need to convince myself on both. Those fleeting thoughts tend to come and go.

My thoughts go to me when I was small, school and opportunities missed to help me because of my physical and mental difficulties and I'm struggling to move on. Although my children are fulfilling their own dreams of furthering their education through university and travel, their opportunities reinforce my own struggles.

The silver lining is that since those days, I have achieved so much more and that if I had have gone down the mainstream education path, I probably wouldn’t be running my own website now. My life has moved on in other ways.

An opportunity arose that allowed me to get myself to this place, and that has paid off. Now I must continue to work on myself.

Being self-critical stems from our core beliefs, which unless corrected, can continue. But how many of us are actually aware that every time we say something, we are self-critiquing?

We need to be aware and not take offence when someone tells us that we are being self-critical and negative about ourselves.

When we continually grow up surrounded by negativity and we begin to take more notice of our environment, you can become more aware of the family dynamics.

Trying to remain positive when anyone lives around negativity can be difficult, but we should make a conscious decision that where we are subjected to negativity, we aren’t going to participate in being critical about ourselves.

By understanding family dynamics, there is no reason why we can’t shift from being self-critical to self-assured. It is all about our perceptions, how we see ourselves and our lives. If someone tells you that you are being self-critical, you probably are.

The first step to understanding that we are being self-critical is to recognise our behaviour patterns. What others say about us should be taken as constructive and not personal.

Layered Squash, Barley & Spinach Pie

'Adapted from the BBC Good Food Guide'

Ingredients:

For the filling:

1 small butternut squash (about 1kg), peeled and cubed

3 tbsp olive oil, plus a little extra for brushing

3 onions, finely chopped

3 garlic cloves, crushed

100g mushrooms, sliced

85g whole cooked chestnuts, quartered

100g Pearl barley

1.2l vegetable stock

1 tbsp dark soy sauce

Zest 1 lemon

250g Ricotta cheese

200g soft Cheese

20g pack sage leaves, chopped

400g of baby spinach

20g pack parsley leaves, chopped

For the Pastry:

700g Plain flour

140g of butter

85g white vegetable shortening

100ml milk

1 egg, lightly beaten

A few bay leaves

Heat oven to 200C/fan 180C/gas 6 and roast the butternut squash with 1 tbsp oil for 25-30 minutes until tender, then set aside

Meanwhile, heat remaining oil in a large pan and cook the onions and garlic for 10 minutes until soft

Remove two-thirds; then add the mushrooms, chestnuts and pearl barley to the pan

Sizzle for a few minutes, pour in the stock then bring to the boil.

Bubble fiercely for 30 minutes until the barley is tender and sticky and there is no liquid left

Stir in the soy sauce, season and set aside.

While the barley layer is cooking, make the other layers

Stir the zest, ricotta, soft cheese and a good amount of seasoning into the reserved onions until smooth

Take a third of the mixture and gently fold with the sage and roasted squash

For the final layer, boil the kettle then tip half the spinach into a large colander

Pour over the boiling water to wilt then repeat with the rest of the spinach

Tip the spinach onto a clean tea towel and squeeze out all the moisture you can

Roughly chop then mix into the remaining ricotta mixture with the parsley

To make the pie; brush a 900g loaf tin with a little oil

Make 3 long triple-layer strips of foil and lay these across the width of the tin to help you lift out the pie to serve

Tip flour and 3 tsp salt into the largest bowl you have and gently melt the butter, shortening and milk with 200ml water in a pan

Once melted, increase heat until bubbling fiercely, tip onto the flour then quickly beat with a wooden spoon until combined. Don't worry if some powdery bits remain

Once cool enough to handle, knead until it comes together, then tip onto your work surface

Set aside a third and roll the rest into a large rectangle - big enough to line the tin with a little overhanging

Ease into the tin, pressing evenly into the corners and sides - you can be rough with it

Spoon in the spinach layer; smooth the surface, then repeat with the barley and finally the squash layer

Dome the squash mix slightly to give a rounded top

Roll out the remaining pastry to fit, brush the edges with some egg then press the lid over the top

Trim the excess and crimp or pinch to seal then decorate with pastry trimmings cut into leaves (add bay leaves, if using, when the pie has 30 minutes left in the oven) Can be covered and chilled overnight

Heat oven to 200C/fan 180C/gas 6 and put a large baking sheet inside Brush the surface of the pie with egg, lift onto the heated baking tray and bake for 30 minutes

Then reduce the heat to 180C/fan 160C/gas 4 and bake for a further 1 hr 30 minutes until the pastry is golden brown and feels hard

Stand for 15-20 minutes while you get the rest of the meal ready - the pie will stay warm.

Gently tip out the pie, or use the foil strips to lift out carefully

Carry to the table and slice thickly to serve

Something inspirational:

"We are what we think. All that we are arises. With our thoughts, we make our world."

BUDDHA

It makes a real difference when others relate and understand what we go through. When someone resonates it changes how you feel about what you deal with. In the 1960’s, if you dealt with a disability, it was brushed under the carpet and ignored.

It's a wonderful feeling when someone identifies and resonates with you on what you deal with, when they are able to reaffirm all the things you have to deal with. It may not change how you cope, but it can make things seem that little bit easier.

In the 1960's, having a disability meant you were stigmatised. It also meant you weren't able to fully take part in mainstream education and employment. My disability was completely overlooked.

As I continue to make sense of things, my disability becomes the catalyst to all my problems, but in that moment, someone finally understood my life.

Something inspirational:

"The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot."

MARK TWAIN

Something inspirational:

"May peace be more than a season; it is my hope that it may be a way of life."

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

Something inspirational:

"In every crisis there is a message. Crises are nature's way of forcing change, breaking down old structures, shaking loose negative habits so that something new and better can take their place."

SUSAN TAYLOR

I use reflection as a tool to change aspects of my life so that I get to feel calm. Reflection, when used as a tool helps me understand my life in its entirety.

It is important to reflect

It’s important to reflect, to see how we can make improvements and adjustments, so that we continue to grow spiritually and emotionally. Where life is overwhelming, reflection helps us manage.

Why you should use reflection

Reflection helps us learn more about ourselves, by showing us a full picture of our experiences, where we’ve gone wrong and how we can make things better, how we can put our life back on track.

Mistakes are valuable

Mistakes are a valuable commodity and a learning tool, but unless we understand why we have made a mistake, and we use reflection as a tool, we will continue to make mistakes.

Without using reflection as a tool we are also more likely to focus on the things we fail rather than the things we could be successful at and not even recognise that we are. A time to reflect is when the mind is calm, when in that moment you have time to think about things.

Reflection is a means of us putting our lives back into perspective and back on track. 

I hate how I feel sometimes, I also hate what I have to deal with. My cerebral palsy is feeling a whole lot worse since we hit the cold spell and I’m feeling more despondent. As a consequence dealing with other things has been so much harder. I hate where I am sometimes. It can feel lonely, but I’ll bounce back to fight another day.

Culture has a tendency to impact on our resilience. We’re born into a world where culture is important, but not everyone is accepting of their culture, like our parents or grandparents were.

The culturally diverse society we live in makes it all much harder, because others will form opinions on our beliefs, and that will begin to have an impact on how we choose to live our lives. Not everyone will agree with our choices.

How do we build resilience?

Continue to identify and incorporate your own strategies for building resilience. Always remain optimistic and upbeat about situations and remember to let go of any issues you have no control over.

Something inspirational:

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served; a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.

ALFRED D. SOUZA

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