Something inspirational:

“The proverb warns that, 'You should not bite the hand that feeds you.' But maybe you should, if it prevents you from feeding yourself.”

THOMAS STEPHEN SZASZ

Fear of commitment is a well-known phrase we hear being banded about, it may even describe you if that is something you struggle with, and as we unconsciously fail to commit, life passes us by.

A fear of commitment is losing something to gain something new. The reality for anyone who has difficulty with commitment is making a wrong decision, but with careful consideration we come through having made the right decision.

The problem doesn’t end there. When we deal with commitment issues, we will have to deal with commitment issues on a bigger scale, because commitment issues will impact us in other areas of our life too. The irony is that when we’re unable to commit, we fear what we may need the most, which is the intimacy and security that comes with a loving committed relationship.

The majority of us may want to have a secure and loving relationship, we’re just too afraid to commit to making it happen. The fear we feel comes from something that happens in our formative years, from something we’ve seen, or from an insecurity that has embedded itself in the commitment issues we struggle with.

Always engage in trying to understand and change what it is that's stopping you from committing to someone or something. When we begin to work through some of our issues, we will begin to see and recognise why we struggle.

It may simply stem from our parents and their parents before them. It is often the disharmony in families that affect us. On some level, we must deal with the disharmony and once we're through learn to change our presenting behaviour.

Homemade Granola

Homemade granola

Ingredients:

500g Rolled oats

200g nuts (or as many as you like, and however many combinations you like

I used almonds and walnuts)

100g sunflower seeds (optional)

1tsp cinnamon

3/4 tsp salt

100ml boiling water

75ml honey

75ml sunflower oil

1tsp vanilla essence (optional)

Method:

Preheat oven to 150C

Combine the dry ingredients together in a large bowl until evenly mixed

Combine wet ingredients in separate bowl, then pour wet ingredients over dry and mix well

Pour all onto a large baking sheet and spread thinly and evenly

(If it doesn’t look like a thin enough layer, you may need to do this in batches)

Bake in the oven until golden brown, around 45 minutes

Will need stirring occasionally to ensure even baking

Something inspirational:

"No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell."

CARL JUNG

We learn our lessons in the most difficult of times and difficult times are a necessary part of spiritual and emotional growth. It is only through challenging times that we will learn how to become adept at dealing with and working through our lives.

I come back to resilience, because the more resilient we are, the more staying power we will have to get through difficult times. Although resilience can help us bounce back, resilience can’t give us a life without stress. Instead, it will help us focus, so that we can learn how to equate what we see, understand and deal with.

It is through understanding that we learn our biggest lessons, helping us to create new opportunities. Through opportunities we will gain new thinking. Through new thinking, we will acquire more knowledge and through more knowledge, we will learn how to manage our stress.

When we learn how to manage our stress, we will become more adept at changing our perceptions on stress. With our changing perceptions we will learn our lessons, even in difficult times. Lessons are necessary for spiritual and emotional growth.

We could be forgiven or even justified for being in a bad mood, because now there’s an explanation.

Some Psychologists believe moods are brought about because of ego depletion. Ego depletion refers to the idea that willpower or self-control is responsible for drawing upon a limited pool of mental resources, which is used up the more we exert ourselves mentally.

When the energy for mental activity is low, self-control is typically impaired and that is considered a state of ego depletion. Because we’re already using energy to deal with a problem we’re draining the brain’s reserves and it’s that which makes us more irritated. The more we push ourselves mentally, the more confused and irritated we become.

Bad moods will always spiral. If you're not careful they can manifest themselves into making you more angry and irritable. Therefore it’s up to us to find quick and simple solutions.

The less mental resources we use to sort our issues out, the less mentally impaired we will be. It doesn’t end there. Bad moods affect digestion, raise blood pressure, elevate the heart and impact the immunity. Exercising, listening to music and going for a brisk walk will help us change a bad mood into good.

Something inspirational:

“When dealing with critics always remember this: critics judge things based on what is outside of their content of understanding.”

SHANNON L. ALDER

Mental health is the psychological state of someone who functions at a satisfactory level of emotional and behavioural adjustment. To admit we deal with issues, or even recognise we have emotional issues is the hardest thing we will ever do.

We're not talking about 'Mental Health'

In the 21st century, we still don't openly talk about things and say how we feel. Instead we ignore and isolate our feelings in the hope those feelings will go away, without us looking for outside help.

There needs to be a shift

There needs to be a shift in how people come to discuss their feelings, with information being made more readily accessible, so we lose the stigma surrounding mental health. More people would come forward if the stigma wasn't there. Mental health issues need to come out of the shadows.

Stigma and 'Mental Health'

It shouldn’t matter who knows we’re struggling. But people with mental health issues are still being stigmatised. We need to be open and honest about mental health and put the stigma behind us in the 21st century.

It needs to become less of an issue and more of a topic of conversation, so it’s something we don’t shy away from, but learn to deal with and talk about.

It helps when people have empathy towards each other. It also helps to be around others who are empathetic, but does it make relationships or friendships harder when empathy is only used by one of you?

It certainly makes for very challenging times when one person is empathetic and the other isn't. When one person doesn't empathise, it’s always difficult for the other person to know how to react. It's a fact that understanding, compassion and empathy all make for better relationships.

Not everyone is empathetic, but it helps if you have a little understanding as to how someone else might feel. I think more people would be understanding, if they just took the time to listen. If we’re not being understanding, it’s usually because we’re not listening, or we don't care. We’re not listening because we’re usually thinking about something else. We’re not giving the other person time.

Unfortunately, when we don’t use empathy, we can come across as being cold and aloof, but as long as cold and aloof doesn’t mean were evasive, calculating or manipulative there’s no real reason why we can’t be friends with someone who doesn’t have these characteristics. It's a matter of finding common ground.

It's important to have like-minded people in our life who behave in similar ways. That way we automatically have something in common, which makes communicating easier. Being friends with someone who is the total opposite can make things slightly awkward, particularly if we disagree on our beliefs and methods.

We’re all different. Some people are humorous, some people may use sarcasm as a communication tool, some of us may be shy and reserved and although that can be difficult sometimes, it's important to have a balance, so people complement each other.

Without the empathy of course, there will be little understanding. I believe all relationships need empathy to thrive. It would be enormously difficult to have a partner, let alone a soul partner without it.

Something inspirational:

“There are three classes of people: Those who see. Those who see when they are shown. Those who do not see.”

LEONARDO DA VINCI

I’ve succumbed to illness again, which I’ve managed to avoid since Christmas, when my family became ill with cold & flu symptoms. A couple of days ago I woke up with a tickle in my throat with a build-up of phlegm that has now gone on to my chest.

As soon as I get a cold, the mucus goes straight to my chest, which I have difficulty expelling and that results in respiratory problems. This chronic illness has been a problem for me for 21 years. I am thankful for the supplements I take, but worry about the long-term implications of what I deal with.

This is the part of my life that is an unknown quantity, because I'm not sure about the damage that may have been caused through these health issues. It's a reality I live with everyday.

If you’re unfortunate to be born into a dysfunctional family where there’s no parent taking responsibility, or one parent’s being given too much responsibility and control over another, it’s easy to see why the cycle might continue with the children.

With dysfunctional families, it’s standard practice for parents to unconsciously delegate roles to their children without realising, so that one child becomes the scapegoat child, another becomes the rescuer child and another becomes the problem child. I was the scapegoat child, the problem child and in my more lucid moments, the pleasing child.

From an early age, we are all aware of the family dynamics and how family interact with each other. It's the nature of families and although it took me many years to change my own perceptions, I never stopped trying to carve out a life for myself where and when I could. In dysfunctional families, opportunities are seldom, but learning to become more vocal on how you want to do things, allows us to set our own boundaries.

Through self-questioning and a determination to change things, there’s no reason why anyone can’t learn to stand up for themselves, on their own two feet. We may not be able to change family circumstances, but at least with our own set of beliefs and ideals in place, we eventually get to live our lives, because no one can interfere with those.

As I began to question everything, I began to see and sense an acceptance of where we all were. Not only did it make it easier for me to stand back and look at my situation objectively, it also helped me piece the bigger picture together, so I could see where I could personally make improvements. It’s up to each of us to change things, but it's a change in our perceptions and approach that help improve dysfunctional behaviour.

I believe that if nothing improves, we should continue to re-state our own position. That way being in contact with family won’t always feel like a challenge.

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