Even though we will spend a large proportion of our lives being unconsciously conditioned, we should apply common sense on how we conduct ourselves. Unconscious conditioning shouldn’t be an excuse for not thinking about and applying common sense to all our relationships.

We use our past as a get out clause for how we conduct ourselves presently. How others behave, doesn’t give us the right to treat others in the same way, through unconscious conditioning. Instead we must think about our issues, deal with those and continue to build on our relationships.

It's unfair for others when we base our current relationships on past unconscious experiences. Perhaps this is something we should think about changing, because not to, means we can never get the best out of our relationships.

It is important we all consciously think about our behaviour, how we think about and conduct ourselves in the present moment, is the backbone to all successful relationships.

Something inspirational:

"You don't have to live forever, you just have to live."

NATALIE BABBITT, Tuck Everlasting

It’s true that our formative years don’t always prepare us for the life we have yet to come, particularly if we haven’t had the support, but through maturity and emotional growth, I believe we can adapt.

My sensory processing disorder ("SPD") compound my problem. Some of the bigger issues, which seem pretty straightforward to someone else, blow up 3 to 5 times more and make what I deal with look and feel bigger. It is easy for me to become overwhelmed and totally unprepared.

When it comes to the smaller more mundane every day issues I’m fine, but SPD changes how I see and interpret the world and that makes what I deal with scary. Depending on what the issue is, without a resolve I can feel panicked, particularly if I have no resolve.

Even though the issue may not seem to bother me during the day, if something is lurking about in my unconscious, it can wake me up and overwhelm me. On top of SPD, as a child, I also struggled to deal with bad thoughts.

Looking back, I can see my sensory issues were always part of that equation and although that's not something I can change, it's right that I know.

Someone contacted me through my website, asking for advice on trust and deceit, so I thought I’d write a blog about it. I hope this helps.

Trust is the foundation on which relationships are based. Without trust, there is no relationship and where someone’s trust is broken, deceit usually follows. When we come to know one, it's only a matter of time until we have the other.

The thing about trust is that it’s not something we think about until something happens and that trust is broken, and we realise we don't have it anymore. It’s scary to think we can live our whole lives with someone, thinking we know that person, but never really knowing them. The realisation is the part we struggle with.

But trust shapes how we feel and think about other people and about ourselves. When trust is broken, it changes how we feel about others and how that trust came to be broken,

When our whole life has been based on trust, it becomes difficult to understand, comprehend or even contemplate how our life can then be based on lies and deceit. It’s also not something we can easily rectify or come to terms with, as we begin to perceive what’s happened in a whole new light.

We mustn’t make what happened to us, about us. It’s only when we look back that we see the relationship had all the hall markings. Unconsciously we notch incidences up without even realising and consciously we don’t even think about our lives in that way because we believe what we're told.

It’s not in our vocabulary or DNA. The issues surrounding trust or deceit are worse than deceit, because it's all to do with the bond that has been broken. It’s important that if we’re faced with a trust or deceit issue, we choose not to carry the issue.

Something inspirational:

“I have accepted fear as part of life specifically the fear of change, I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back.”

ERICA JONG

Grilled Shrimp Flatbread

'Adapted from a Health.com'

grilled-shrimp-souvlaki-xl

Ingredients:

500g large shrimp, peeled and cleaned

 6 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

2 teaspoons olive oil

3 tablespoons chopped fresh dill

1 tablespoon chopped fresh oregano

3/4 cup low-fat Greek yogurt

2 garlic cloves, minced

2 cucumbers

Black pepper, to taste

500g tomatoes

1 small red onion, cut into 1cm thick rings

4 whole-grain flatbreads

1 small pack mixed leaves

Method:

Preheat grill

Rinse shrimp and dry

Stir together 2 tablespoons lemon juice, 1 teaspoon oil and 1 tablespoon each dill and oregano in a medium bowl

Add the shrimp and marinate, for 10 minutes mixing occasionally

Stir together 1/4 cup yogurt, half the garlic, 2 tablespoons lemon juice and 1 tablespoon dill in a serving bowl

With a vegetable peeler, cut cucumbers into lengthwise ribbons, discarding the core

Toss cucumber ribbons with yogurt mixture and pepper, to taste.

For a riata sauce combine the remaining 1/2 cup yogurt with remaining 2 tablespoons lemon juice, remaining 1 tablespoon dill, and remaining garlic in a small serving bowl

Grill shrimp with tomatoes and onion in a lightly oiled gridle pan, until shrimp are bright pink and cooked through, tomatoes are softened, and onion is tender

Transfer to a plate, cover and keep warm

Grill flatbread until golden brown and slightly crisp

Serving with cucumber salad, shrimp, onions, tomatoes and mixed leaves and the raita sauce.

You could say that a truth is ‘universal’ if it is irrefutably valid and logical, so a universal truth is impossible to deny, and it is the same for everyone. For example, everything we do starts with a single thought.

Some of us may live our lives in denial about what are the universal truths. Perhaps we’re in denial because it’s easier; or perhaps we’re aware the truth may open wounds that are easier left unopened. Perhaps it’s not you, perhaps it’s someone else who is denying the truth, because they know that what they’re doing is something the universe won’t agree to.

But whatever our reasons for ignoring the truth, it can never bring the right choices, or the right outcomes. When anyone ignores the universal truth, not only can it hurt them, it can also change the family dynamics as that person continues to gloss over it. And as hard as it is to be honest and upfront, what we tell others is important, because it not only shapes us as individuals, our lives and our children’s lives, it’s also a conversation with the universe.

I am aware that without my writing, I would be no nearer to understanding my truth, or my disabilities. I certainly wouldn’t have gone down the ‘knowing what I have’ route.

But if like me, you believe in the universe, and the universal truths and you believe life turns out the way it is meant to, it would always have taken me this long to get to everything I’ve had to deal with and achieve. Put simply, my experiences to the point of diagnosis of cerebral palsy at forty-six, and my autism diagnosis at fifty-six, were my experiences to have.

For us to continue to encourage positive thinking, self-confidence and a positive outlook, it is important to bring universal truths into the equation around our experiences and find an acceptance on those.

No matter how long it takes to accept our truth, the universal truth always prevails and acts and just because we are in denial or ignore it, that doesn’t mean the universe has its blinkers on. The universe knows our truth and it is not something we can avoid. Things have a way of coming back to us, everyone is accountable.

When we understand there isn’t anything that we could have done to change our life, we will find acceptance.

We spend too many years wishing our lives were different, know there wasn’t anything we could have done to change it, but still we continue to wish. To be aware of and understand our circumstances in the whole is to reconcile. We need to break the emotional cycle of abuse we put ourselves through when we think about our lives.

We feel tormented because we want to move on and frustrated because we don’t know how. It’s easy to go over the old tapes in your head, look at the things you could have changed but didn’t, could have said but didn’t. When you look back it’s easy to live with the whole guilt scenario.

Our lives are mapped out for us long before we’re even born. In the spiritual sense, the deck of cards we’re dealt is our deck to have. In the early years, accountability rests with those responsible for us until we become independent, then we become accountable and responsible for ourselves.

If more of us were to understand the concept, we’d let go of our issues sooner. Our thoughts and reactions to past events are an instrumental tool for us to think about change. When our perceptions and reactions change, we will reconcile, and our outcomes will change.

You learn that the way to increase peace of mind and overall health is to let go. Sometimes the guilt we’re left to carry isn’t ours: it’s time to let it go.

Something inspirational:

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got."

NORTON HUNT

GUEST BLOG

I’m Ellie and I live with my mother and sister in Willenhall, England.

I have Cerebral Palsy, Epilepsy and Hydrocephalus. I’ve had to use a wheelchair most of my life. It gets boring as I often wish I could be up and about like the other children. I feel lonely watching my sister play with her friends and not being able to join in because I can’t move freely.

I can push myself around using my hands to turn the wheels of my chair, but sometimes I get stuck and then my mother has to come and help set me back on path. It’s hard for her to do this because she has to leave whatever it is she might have been doing at the time.

Our dining room has a lift in one corner that’s how I come downstairs to begin my day each morning. Often, after breakfast or lunch, I sit and watch television or wheel up to the sliding doors that look out onto our garden. The lawn is unkempt and the slabs are uneven, so I can never take my wheelchair outside. In the summer, when the sun is out, I itch to go outside and play.

I love nothing more than planting seeds and watering them with my orange watering can. My mother has tried to fix the garden up a few times, but it hasn’t been easy. After all, she’s a single mother, and a garden makeover is expensive. Whenever she puts some time aside to give it another go, she gets distracted looking after me and my sister, not to mention our puppy.

A few months ago, when she read about a competition hosted by MyBuilder, she took me into the garden (even though the wheels got stuck in the overgrown grass) and took a picture. She uploaded this to the website and within a few weeks, we had won £1,000 towards our garden!

We were so excited. It’s not just that we wanted a wheelchair-friendly garden so that I could play outside. Most of our local parks aren’t disability-accessible. None of our friends’ homes have ramps so when we get invited to barbecues, we don’t ever go. These little things make it difficult for me to interact with other children my age.

It took a week for landscape gardener Chris to tear up our old garden and make a new one. He put in a ramp so that I could move easily between the garden and the house. The slabs were made even and wide enough for my wheelchair and he built a row of planters that were the right height for me to plant my seeds.

My mother and I watched Chris and his team, work throughout the week. We’re already planning a barbecue for all our friends. Even before the garden was completed, my sister started bringing her friends round after school to play. I feel much happier now that I can go outside and play without being restricted because of my wheelchair.

Bio: MyBuilder connects homeowners looking for tradesmen with tradesmen who are looking for work. We love helping out families like Ellie’s by transforming their lives through home improvements both big and small.

You can watch a video of Ellie in her new garden here: http://www.mybuilder.com/competitions/garden-makeover/winning-entry

Having missed out on my developmental stages that other children reach without a disability, it is only now that I have come to understand why.

Being ignorant because we don’t understand something is acceptable because we don't know any better, but being ignorant because we don’t want to know, is not. Not taking the time to help me work through my disability and help me emotionally is something I cannot comprehend. I can’t believe questions were never asked as to why my development was delayed, or why I struggled.

It’s something I find difficult to comprehend. I’m not sure it’s something I’ll ever come to terms with and being a parent myself, it makes that notion even more difficult.

Something inspirational:

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes."

MARCEL PROUST

Receive regular updates

Enter your details below to be the first to receive updates on new articles on my blog.