The more we grapple with insecurities, the more we will lose the ability to believe in our abilities, the more insecure we will be and the more we will ignore how we feel.

But feeling insecure means we will take the love and care that we can, disregard both and then look for more. Looking to others to make us feel secure, or looking for a solution from others without us helping ourselves, will stop us from working on and fixing any insecurities.

The lessons we ignore as children, because we're not paying attention, or we don't understand will stop us from becoming confident adults and can make us feel insecure. No matter how hard it is, it is important we deal with our insecurities.

The nature of insecurities and how they work, means they will take up residence in other areas of our lives, if we don't deal with them.

I deal with the things I have control over. The things I have little, or no control over, I let go of those, but I've not always done it that way.

As a child, I held on to everything, primarily because I lived with guilt and the guilt had no where to go. But the control we have is rooted in fear. We worry that without control we may struggle to function. We worry if we deviate.

Control keeps us attached

Control keeps us attached to an outcome, which we’re often afraid to move on from. The outcome is something we’re familiar with, and we'd rather stay with that than have to deal with, and work through change. If we know what we know, why would we then, upset the apple cart?

The universe expects us to comply

The universe expects us to comply with its rules. We can’t always be in control of our circumstances, but we can learn to manage those. I believe things happen for a reason and that if an opportunity comes knocking, it’s for us to work through, whether we have control or not.

But not having control, doesn’t limit our ability to manage or bring issues or circumstance to their rightful conclusion. Decisions that we don't make that someone else makes for us, is them having control. It is the act of needing to have control that continues to create the stress, particularly if we're not letting go.

The universe micromanages

When we believe the universe micromanages the overall outcomes, we can surrender to a higher force, and let go. We should stop emotionally fighting ourselves, having to have control all the time.

For the things we can't control, we need to have faith, to let the natural order of things occur as they’re meant to.

Something inspirational:

“The more you recognize the immense good within you, the more you magnetize immense good around you.”

ALAN COHEN

We know that introversion or introspection is the act of observing and thinking about ourselves and our lives objectively. Introspection is a conversation with us.

Looking at introspection

Both are used as a tool to help you look at your lives from the outside in. With introspection you look at what you say and how you behave, and what makes you feel the way you feel. Through introspection you understand 'you,' and your experiences. It helps you question your experiences so that you can deal with issues you’re struggling to deal with.

Introspection and working things out

Through introspection, you find traces of your parents, similarities and disagreements with your siblings, with your parents, anyone you have shared an experience with. You will find certain influences around your experiences that include dysfunctional behaviour such as neglect, abuse and trauma.

Through introspection...

If introversion or introspection is done properly, you can come away with a more balanced opinion on your experiences. You may also see and understand everyone’s part in your lives and so that you’re looking at the bigger picture.

Introspection is not about apportioning blame or finding fault with others. Finding fault adds fuel to an already burning fire. Instead, it gives a balanced account of your experiences. Introspection helps you find peace, it helps you to move on.

Tuna quiche

Ingredients:

250g ready rolled shortcrust pastry

2 tins of canned tuna, drained and flaked

250ml skimmed milk 250ml low fat crème fraiche

3 eggs, beaten 50g hard cheese, grated (cheddar or similar)

Salt & pepper

Olive oil

Method:

Preheat the oven to 190°C

Line a 20cm tart tin with non-stick baking paper

Roll out the pastry on a lightly floured surface to half a cm thick and cut a large round of pastry slightly larger than the tart tin

Line the tin using the pastry, pressing in well and pricking the base

Trim any overhanging pastry and chill for 10 minutes

Line the pastry case with non-stick baking paper and fill with ceramic baking beans

Bake in the oven for 15 minutes until golden at the edges

Remove the non-stick baking paper and beans and then brush the sides and base of the pastry with a little olive oil

and return to the oven to allow the base to cook and brown for 5 minutes

Remove from the oven and leave to cool on a wire rack

Combine the flaked tuna and seasoning in a mixing bowl

Spoon into the base of the cooked pastry when cool

Beat together the eggs, milk, crème fraîche and seasoning until smooth

Pour on top of the tuna mixture and sprinkle the grated cheese on top

Reduce the oven to 160°C

Bake for 40-45 minutes until the quiche is set

I have seen how life can be snatched from us in the blink of an eye. Had it not been for the use of introversion, I would have succumbed to illness years ago. I have seen first-hand what happens when we don't confront our issues. The emotional and physical cost is almost too great to ignore.

When it comes to childhood, hereditary and environmental factors come into play and what weren’t issues, can quite easily become issues. I was determined not to make myself ill, I needed to stay strong.

My blogs are written from a place of introversion. I spent my early years working from the same place, which is why I am able to detail and document each experience accurately, so that my views stay in check with how I know those experiences to be.

We shouldn't feel guilty for the things we're not responsible for. We shouldn't take responsibility for the guilt, when it isn't our guilt to carry.

Something inspirational:

"You are not defined by your past. You are prepared by your past."

JOEL OSTEEN

I find it hard to equate that my anxiety as a child was completely overlooked and could have been dealt with, as I had reached out many times. It is hard to imagine that my life could have been made easier, because my life didn't go like that.

My anxiety is down to my mental disability, and I need to continue to find ways to manage it. I still struggle with the concept of having to work blindly, deceit and other people's judgments. But it is not being equipped that has reinforced my struggles that I find difficult to come to terms with.

The younger we are, with help the easier it is easier to adjust to our circumstances. With the right parenting, children can find ways through and even without the right parenting, children can, with work on themselves find a way through.

Without internalising everything, my emotions and anxiety would have been worse. With work on myself I made it through.

When someone ignores something, and they do it consciously with full knowledge and deliberation, that’s when we have a choice about whether we choose to forgive.

Because we have a choice to change our decisions and make a different choice, our decisions then become a whole new story and forgiveness is no longer justified. The deed is also no longer an open and shut case, particularly when the person making the decision knows there will be consequences.

When it takes you 46 years to hear about your diagnosis and then the words ‘I didn’t want to know’ are uttered, but thinking you may have got compassion and understanding instead; it brings a whole new meaning, because it’s clear your life was never going to be any different to the one you got.

It is because each deed is separate, forgiveness is subjective and it is at our discretion that it becomes even more important to understand how you see forgiveness.

I remember helping a friend work through some issues when the conversation moved to my blog. I used to think everyone could write, but through our conversation, it became clear that my ability to write, came as a gift with my disability.

Without cerebral palsy, I wouldn't have autism and through autism, my senses are heightened. Whilst I failed as a child and was embarrassed to talk, or even own up to my failings, through my intuition I see the world differently.

Yes, through my intuition, I see the bigger picture on my experiences, helping others understand their own lives. Being able to write in this way and bring understanding on my experiences, for others also, means we may see the light.

Something inspirational:

"Without change there is no innovation, creativity, or incentive for improvement. Those who initiate change will have a better opportunity to manage the change that is inevitable."

WILLIAM POLLARD

When we have dealt with our past, we will emotionally and spiritually grow and that means we will start to live in the present.

What living in the present means

Living in the present, means you'll be emotionally happier, more content with yourselves and happier with your life. It also means you're less likely to want to revisit your past, or reside there. Living in the present, also means you can work from a different psychological space, than those who are stuck, or live in the past.

But whether your relationship is with a parent, spouse or friend, it is important to emotionally move on. Being stuck in the past isn’t always something others will understand, but for those living in the present, it becomes evident.

When anyone is mentally stuck and they're living in the past, they will have difficulty coming to terms with the fact that others have moved on. It also means they can see others who have got their life together, as a potential threat to what is an already fragile relationship.

What living in the past means

It’s time to stop living in denial. Living in the past means you're not willing to confront your issues. But living in the past is more than that: it not only stops you from thinking in the present, it stops you from living in the present.

Although our experiences should help us to confront our issues and change the way we see and live our lives, it’s not right making others the scapegoat, when it’s us with the issues.

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