We set the tone, through our words and actions, how we get to live our lives. What we say, how we behave, the energy we bring, will either move us towards a desired outcome, or an outcome less desirable.

Setting the tone

When we set the tone, we establish the way an activity, or event happens. We set the tone, we shape what’s possible. But to set the tone, we need to learn to respect our differences, show a personal interest that encourages us to listen and learn, whilst keeping an open mind on possibilities.

We set the tone by correcting past experiences, asking the right questions, sharing information, openly communicating and being transparent. What we say we will do, we should do. We need to stick to our word.

Tone, value and behaviour

We may also lack integrity when what we say, isn’t in alignment with our intentions. Our values and behaviour needs to be completely in sync. We need to show others we are serious about what we want to create, and what our intentions are.

It's all in the tone

It’s all in the tone. We set the tone through how we describe our experiences, how we talk about ourselves. Our experiences are filled with emotion and depending on the experience, our words may either hurt us, and we will endear ourselves to no-one.

Words hurt

Words hurt, therefore it is important to think about our tone and how we use our words. As a child, given what I was dealing with around my difficulties, it was up to others to help me set my tone positively, it wasn’t something I could control.

Everything is revealed through our words

People learn a lot about us through our tones. Mindset and attitude are revealed through our words. Our doubts, concerns and worries and our values are all revealed through our words.

We should fix our issues

When we negatively unconsciously continue to focus on ourselves, we’re not fixing our issues and therefore our tones can never change. Although, we may lose sight of how we project ourselves, this is something we can fix.

Something inspirational:

“Envy comes from people’s ignorance of, or lack of belief, in their own gifts.”

JEAN VANIER

Fish Stew

Ingredients:

1/4 cup green lentils

1/4 cup yellow split peas

1/4 cup pearl barley

2 sticks celery

diced 2 carrots, peeled and chopped

2 shallots or 1 medium onion, diced

2 tablespoons olive oil

500ml vegetable stock

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

1 bay leaf

1/2 teaspoon thyme

1/2 teaspoon oregano

Salt & pepper to taste

Method:

Heat the olive oil in a large pan over medium heat

Toss in the onion, and carrots and sauté for five minutes

Stir in the thyme, oregano and a pinch of salt & pepper then continue to sauté for a few more minutes

Add the Worcestershire sauce and stock then turn the heat to high so that the liquid starts to boil

Cook for about ten minutes, allowing the wine to reduce by half

Then add the bay leaf, lentils and the pearl barley and allow to cook on high for about five more minutes

Reduce the heat to a simmer with the lid partially on and allow to cook for about twenty to thirty minutes

Add the cod fillets, replace the pan lid and cook for a few minutes

When cooked, flake into the stew

Add more salt & pepper to taste if necessary, then serve

From around the age of 9 or 10, I was already putting some of the pieces of my life together, around my spiritual beliefs.

We may have a deep understanding of our lives, but we may not always be ready or in a position to change our life. What is important is we have the understanding, because without the understanding when the time is right, nothing can change.

With deep understanding we understand the essence of something, in other words; the basic and most important characteristic which gives that something its individual identity. When we can make sense of something, our understanding is deepened, and the information we have is used in new ways to change issues, situations and circumstances.

Deeper understanding helps us to reason with what we know, and with what we can comprehend and change. Through spiritual and emotional growth, we can choose not to hold on to the things that no longer serve us.

Having a deeper understanding, helps us stop making premature judgments. A deeper understand helps us to enhance our relationships, which helps bring about healthier outcomes.

When we let someone go, we do so with a heavy heart. It is important not to look at why you've let that person go, but understand the reasoning behind your decision.

It is much harder to hold on to the pain that comes with the relationship, than it is to let go of the person who caused the pain. We should put distance between us, the person and our pain. It helps to understand the person behind the deed.

When we can understand why someone chooses to do something, we understand why something happens the way it does. If it's abuse you're dealing with, it is completely inexcusable.

On our part, we should admit the truth and accept that what happened, happened. When we let someone go, we’re allowing ourselves to heal.  It is much better to be away from someone, than thinking a person will change and never seeing that change.

Know the person behind the words. Too many times we give someone 'the benefit of the doubt,’ because we're desperate for the relationship to work.

Work on actions instead of words. As children we continue to believe what we're told, but words mean nothing, unless they are accompanied by a positive act.

Something inspirational:

“My dad had limitations. That's what my good-hearted mom always told us. He had limitations, but he meant no harm. It was kind of her to say, but he did do harm.”

GILLIAN FLYNN, Gone Girl

As a teenager, I remember overhearing a conversation between my parents, talking about my disability after my father had spoken with a friend of his who was a medical doctor, and who had a severely disabled daughter with cerebral palsy.

His friend was aware I hadn't been told. I think my father was feeling badly, but my fate was sealed on the back of that conversation, when in the conversation it was made clear, my disability was mild enough not to be told about it.

Having asked about my disability and why I wasn't told about cerebral palsy later on, I was told, he didn't want to know. Years later, I know that's not quite true.

I never made any of the connections growing up, because not growing up knowing about my disability, I didn't connect with anything that related to a disability.

“Destiny is a word that implies an ending: a destination to one's life. When two people were ‘destined for each other’, they've given in to a notion that the journey is complete. The best definition to fate that I've heard is that ‘fate is what happens.’ In other words, fate is reality.” - Wikipedia

Fate is reality, it's what happens. It's what we endure, until something happens to change the status quo. Destiny is different. Destiny implies an ending, a destination to somewhere. That our journey will be complete. Destiny is a journey that we have control over, destiny can be changed when our circumstances change.

But whether you believe in fate or destiny, you get to change the ending to your fate. Something you're born into, isn’t something that shall continue. That just because you start out one way, doesn’t mean your life has to continue that way.

We have to be determined to change, to move on. We need to remain stalwart in our determination to change and to change our circumstances. Whatever you change is the start of a new destination and that becomes your fate.

A new reality different to the old one.

I grew up not knowing what was wrong with me and that was my biggest nightmare. I had reoccurring nightmares going into and coming home from school every day. Not being able to keep up with school, or my peers academically, and feeling I’d failed.

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

Although there can be a number of psychological triggers that cause nightmares, anxiety and depression can also be the reason. post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as it's called, can also be the reason we experience chronic recurrent nightmares. Nightmares in adults, can be caused by stress and certain sleep disorders.

But reoccurring nightmares aren’t something that just wake you up at night. Reoccurring nightmares can be something you're subjected to that you have little control over, that you keep going back into and that causes you distress. Something that continually takes you out of your comfort zone.

What can you do to limit your reoccurring nightmares?

If you’re dealing with anxiety, depression or post-traumatic stress disorder and you’re struggling with sleep and reoccurring nightmares as a result, get help with those. Talk through how you feel with a trauma-focused therapist and look at your life in greater detail, because that will help you understand why you feel depressed, or why you have anxiety.

Imagery Rehearsal Therapy

Imagery Rehearsal Therapy (IRT) is a cognitive behavioural treatment, based on the idea that the mind produces the nightmare out of habit and it’s a habit that can be broken, that can also be used as an effective approach for eliminating ongoing nightmares and for reducing the number and intensity of nightmares amongst, people who deal with PTSD.

Having experienced trauma, I allow myself to feel the emotion behind the trauma and as a result I am able to make sense of all my experiences.

Something inspirational:

“With enough courage, you can do without a reputation.”

MARGARET MITCHELL

The universe is instrumental in all our lives, it is something we need to understand if we are to have access and use it successfully.

I could never have imagined as a child, the success I would have through a diagnosis at the age of 46. My writing has changed me. I could also never have imagined being an author and writer, but the universe had other ideas. It had carved out my life, waiting for me to mentally and emotionally catch up.

Observing the 'universal teachings'

We can observe its teachings, but first we should explore our minds, to have access. Failing to do that means our truths, how we want our lives to go, may always remain at a distance.

How the universe works

Access to the universe starts with our thoughts. What you intend, is what you shall create. We should train our mind to consciously choose our thoughts, so the thoughts we focus on will show up more in our life. If you continually focus on your challenges positively, you will start to have an abundance of challenges that can become positive.

Creating abundance

When we can continually think about things in abundance and with a greater passion, the greater the more abundance we will create in that area. Abundance is attracted to us, based on how we feel, so the more positive our thoughts, the more positive our outcome.

The wrong attitude lets us down

It is not our circumstances that cause the feeling, it is our thoughts that create the feeling; but it is our attitude that lets us down. We have the power to choose. From an early age, unconsciously I had already decided I wasn’t giving up. I never gave up hope, my thoughts remained steadfast throughout my childhood.

Focus on what you want to happen

When we can think a certain way, we can feel a certain way. Focus your thoughts on what you want to happen, and you will create more of those. Choose to focus your thoughts on what can be, and you open your mind and heart to amazing possibilities.

So, instead of spending more time choosing what you want to buy or wear, think about the people you connect with and how they feel. All it takes is one thought to create a string of continuous thoughts and that creates the feeling you desire.

We would have to continually live on a desert island to have peace, with no access to what’s going on in the world. Life doesn’t work like that, but us changing certain thoughts, means we can work towards having a little peace.

Our vibrations and energetic field

It is important we think about our emotional energy. We need to learn, to know that our surroundings and conditions respond to our vibration, or energetic field. Our vibration is based on what we think and feel and to know that we call the shots on how we feel.

We’re not in control of other people, or circumstances beyond our control. We can only control our response. It is stressful when we feel the need to have control over other people.

Direct your life

So, instead of letting your conditions influence your mood, let your mood influence your conditions. Direct your focus in the direction you want your focus to go. Although our physical senses pick up on what’s happening around us, we should acknowledge what is happening in our reality.

We can't control how others respond

We can’t always stop what’s happening around us, instead we should use our time to focus on finding a solution, so that we stop focusing on our problems all the time. When it comes to another person’s behaviour, we can’t control how they will respond, instead we hope they will do right by us.

It’s not always how others will work, we must choose to see a higher perspective. We can do that by maintaining our connection with the universe and understanding the forces at play and the bigger plan for us.

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