Trying to find acceptance

When I look at my life in the whole, I can’t believe just putting my words together, a sentence, a paragraph to talk about my experiences that this was my life.

Then I reconcile that it happened that I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing without any of it then I feel better, somewhat short lived. What I find hard to accept is that others blocking my disability out found it acceptable and still had a relationship with me. A wilful act, not one that is easy to forgive.

I am trying to find an acceptance of the reasoning behind the deed. Writing …

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9 Jul, 2020

Coping with Covid_19

The autism in me has struggled to recognise Covid_19 or connect with its facts. The pandemic isn’t going away, but we all have to live alongside it. We must take care and be responsible for ourselves.

The life we had isn’t the life we have now. Times have changed and we must change with it. There will be times when we have to go out, in those times mask and glove up and when you’re not gloved up, use hand …

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8 Jul, 2020

The intentions of my Book

When I started writing and putting my story together, ‘My Story’ wasn’t going to be about blame, a kiss and tell story, what he said, what she said, what I said, it also wasn’t going to be a negative book.

There are many positive reviews of my book, one of those reviews is below:

Review by Author & Activist, T.R. Bauer –

5.0 out of 5 stars – Not just an exceptional piece of work, this book is a lifeline!

“King Solomon once lamented that there is nothing new under the sun. The great author, T.S. Eliot, famously wrote, “Good writers borrow, great writers steal.” In the case of this book I believe Ilana Estelle …

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7 Jul, 2020

Confinements of lockdown

I continue to write about Covid_19 on my blog because I’d cope less not getting my thoughts out there. With lockdown finished the UK Government has forced those like myself who are high risk back into our homes.

With pubs already open and restaurants and bars due to open today, I have no choice but to stay home. I shall continue to stay safe. With too many lives already lost due to this Government’s handling, we can …

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6 Jul, 2020

Too many years to erase

Being a parent, I am still trying to get my head around the fact that my disability was ignored for so long. The fact that it was ignored, and I continued to live my life without knowing anything about my disability has taken its toll.

There is no coming to terms with it, too many years passed without me knowing. As a child, just being able to put a name to how I physically presented would have helped. Knowing would have given …

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4 Jul, 2020

Living your dreams

We all think about living the dream, but realistically how many of us actually get to live our dreams? Since our dreams are a discussion with the universe, our intentions must be both honourable and selfless.

The less honourable and selfless we are, the more we will struggle to achieve our dreams, the less we will achieve or live our dreams. Everything we do must be done in good faith with the best of intentions …

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3 Jul, 2020

When we fail to cope

Abuse is invisible and because it’s invisible, it’s not always easy to understand or equate that what you are experiencing is abuse.

No one holds back on what they think any more. It’s okay to say how you feel or what you think, but it’s not okay to inflict anger on others just because you’re hurting, or you’re angry, disappointed, frustrated …

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2 Jul, 2020

We shape our own future

As a child, every thought and spoken word you’re given shapes you and your future. In my own case, couple that with a disability I didn’t know you had, it’s indefensible and can make for uncomfortable thoughts.

For us to come to terms with our lives, our ‘house must be put in order’ and this is what my blog does. I write about my experiences and although it doesn’t always make for comfortable reading for me …

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30 Jun, 2020