Ignoring issues

I could have ignored my biggest issue, not knowing what my disability was. I could have told myself ignorance is bliss, I’m probably better off not knowing, the truth will only hurt but that’s far from what the truth does.

We all have issues, but we must have control and change our attitude to our reasons for ignoring our issues. Where we’re fearful of change, we must work on our fear, where we have uncertainty we must …

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23 Mar, 2019

Repressed emotions

I still find it hard to believe ‘my story’ was my life. It still feels too raw. It happened over a period of years, but those years could have been rolled into yesterday that’s how raw it is.

Learning how to handle our feelings is challenging. Our reactions very much depend on the situation and who is involved in that situation. As a child, I didn’t repress my feelings, instead I would explode by …

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22 Mar, 2019

Wilful neglect

When a parent does something that is wilful, they consciously make a decision. That isn’t the same thing as unconsciously struggling to parent your child.

Because I have Autism, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (‘CBT’) helps me see and understand more of my experiences so that I’m looking at the bigger picture, a different angle on the angle I have …

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19 Mar, 2019

When children are ignored

I grew up in an era where children were ‘seen and not heard.’ Whatever squabbles or aggrievances I had, I was told ‘we were as bad as each other.’ There was no mediation, so my protests went unheard.

It was at a time when parents didn’t seem to care whether their issues became their children’s. But whatever stress our parents are under, their stress shouldn’t be ours. It is important children have their emotional …

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15 Mar, 2019

A disability buried

Living with a disability isn’t easy. But living with symptoms you know you have, but know nothing about is even harder. Knowing you have symptoms and not understanding your symptoms or struggles are even harder still.

A disability being brushed under the carpet, buried… never spoken about, meant I would never get to talk about my physical or neurological difficulties growing up. It’s not what any child should have to go through …

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11 Mar, 2019

Finding a little comfort

No matter how many years it’s taken for me to get to this point, it still feels raw. In nearly 9 years of blogging, the hardest part has been for me to come to terms with the reasoning behind not knowing about my disability, my diagnoses and being forced to accept this was my life.

Even with the bigger picture in the frame, it has brought little comfort, knowing those responsible cared more about themselves than they cared about me. But I also know that without the life I’ve had I wouldn’t …

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9 Mar, 2019

Thoughts on my counselling

I’ve been in counselling for many years, more years than I care to remember. It was a big decision for me to make, but felt it was necessary.

I remember telling my father and he didn’t flinch or comment, other than offering to say he would pay for the first few sessions. I was more upset that I was having to go into counselling as I saw it and that he …

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6 Mar, 2019

My Autism is a gift

Just under 9 years ago, having just found out about cerebral palsy I started writing about my disability. I’m having to do the same with my recently diagnosed Autism, just so I can understand and come to terms with my neurological symptoms.

Finding out about cerebral palsy in my forties and Autism in my 50’s isn’t how I wanted my life to play out, it’s been enormously difficult, but I know why my life had to happen like that. I’ve always known …

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3 Mar, 2019

Autism & being assertive

The recent news about the Michael Jackson victims’ abuse story, has reaffirmed the need for me to confront the truth and why it is important for me to talk about my own story. Although it has taken me many years to get my diagnoses, understand and come to terms with my own journey, this is exactly why I do what I do and why I talk about things.

Since my official Autism diagnosis on the 11th January last month, I’ve gone through a rollercoaster of emotions. I’m getting there. When I was younger and my children were little, their problems were small …

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1 Mar, 2019

Anxiety & Autism

I feel as though I am reaching the end of the need for me to explore my Autism. There are many common behaviours seen in those with ASD that overlap with symptoms in varying anxiety disorders, therefore familiarity and understanding for someone with Autism are very important.

I have lived with a general anxiety disorder since I was a child, through Autism that I didn’t know I had. With the help of CBT, it has become easier for me to talk. Autism creates fear, panic and anxiety, where for …

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22 Feb, 2019