Travel & chronic illness

There is no getting away from the fact that I deal with a chronic and acute illness. I tend to have to work at staying well, because I am not guaranteed wellness.

When it comes to travel, any road trip or holiday feels like a burden. It can also feel like a no-win situation, because when I do travel, I have payback later. No matter how meticulous I am …

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18 Jun, 2018

My education

I remember having an intelligence test as a child because doctors needed to work out whether I was mentally retarded or not. It’s only now that I understand why I had the test. I now know the test I should have been given was a standardized intelligence and standardized adaptive skills …

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16 Jun, 2018

A break from the norm

On Saturday morning I posted my blog as usual, by Saturday afternoon I was off line and I felt panicked. I am now pleased The CP Diary is back on line.

With no break in blogs for the last 8+ years, missing a day on my website, I was gutted. You could say it was ‘a break from the norm’ but for me it was the most stressful time, because …

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12 Jun, 2018

A time for mourning

Mourning isn’t just something we do when we lose a loved one. Mourning is also for something that happens to us, something that we need to come to understand. It’s for something we need to work through, for us to come to terms with, or something we need to accept, whichever comes first.

There were days, particularly in the early days when I first acquired a diagnosis on my disability, when what was done to me felt heavy. I needed time to mourn for the emotional loss and support I …

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9 Jun, 2018

Goodnight beautiful bird

While out for a walk the other day, I came across an injured pigeon that looked to have been clipped by a car and was left injured on the pavement at the side of the road.

The pigeon was still breathing and although injured I didn’t really know how bad his injuries were, but I held on to hope that he would survive. I tried to move his wing so that he was more comfortable …

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6 Jun, 2018

Getting to grips with anxiety

My mind isn’t settled. It comes on the back of having to continually deal with anxiety through my brain impairment. There seems to be no reprise.

It is because my emotions are impaired that I have a permanent traffic jam in my head. And although I appreciate it’s the symptoms I must treat, that is difficult because I already have a …

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5 Jun, 2018

Why not me

As a child growing up with a disability I didn’t know I had, that included emotional and physical difficulties, it’s remarkable I never once said, why me. It’s as though I had surmised that it was okay to be me, even with my issues and my disability.

I also didn’t seem worried about any one’s opinion. What others thought of me was immaterial. Perhaps my spiritual beliefs, even as a child were already part of that mindset. I’d already seen too much to know that I didn’t need to make what other people thought of me, my issue.

But having …

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2 Jun, 2018

Sensory awareness issues

This issue has been a longstanding concern and as a consequence has been a very hard blog to write. Unbeknown to me and because I didn’t know I had sensory awareness issues as a child, or anxiety brought about through sensory awareness issues.

My earliest recollection of how this manifested itself, was when we were on holiday and the first thing mum did for me, was look in the bathroom. I had no idea why I struggled with bathrooms …

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29 May, 2018

Left in the dark

I often wonder how anyone could ignore the very thing that would bring answers to someone who was left to emotionally fend for herself for 46 years and continue to justify that it was still okay for that person not to know.

I seem to go back to this thinking every time. But there isn’t a day go by where I don’t think about and struggle to come up with anything that could possibly justify this behaviour. What makes it worse …

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27 May, 2018

My symptoms made simple

This particular blog is the closest I’ve got to explaining how my particular brain damage works. It’s not been an easy journey, but with the relevant help from Neurologists and new understanding over the 8 years I have been writing, I am getting there.

The frontal lobe section, known as the ‘emotional centre’ is the part of my brain that is extensively damaged. Generally, it is the place where our emotions are controlled and where …

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24 May, 2018