My feelings as a child

Another personal blog because this was on my mind. My parents never positively encouraged me to think about my feelings as a child, which meant I missed out on the opportunity for me to be able to process my feelings.

Knowing about autism as a child would have makes that process even more difficult. As the adult, I have had to start at the beginning to learn how to process my feelings. Unless something becomes obvious and …

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12 Nov, 2019

Finally proving myself

Having finished the book as my thoughts turn to publication day, I now have a new thinking. I never thought about how I would feel writing the book, or whether it would change me through the other end.

It’s been a long drawn out process, three and a half years to be exact. Writing the book has catapulted me into a different mental space. Becoming a writer has shown others just what I was capable of, even …

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10 Nov, 2019

Knowledge is power

With no understanding on my sensory issues, over the years, I have bought clothes that didn’t feel quite right, but I thought I could get past. Knowing would have saved me money, and those clothes could have gone to good homes.

Now when I touch something, if it doesn’t feel right, I walk away. I needed to make my understanding of the unfamiliar, familiar, I needed to stop, pause and somehow equate why things didn’t feel right …

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6 Nov, 2019

My book is ‘My Story’

Although through my blog I write about my experiences around a disability I didn’t know I had and I talk about my experiences, it is completely different to how my book will read.

My book is ‘my story’. I take myself through my childhood, through my struggles in the early years, through my teenage years, and up to the current time. It goes more into my thoughts and feelings on my …

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4 Nov, 2019

A different slant on my life

My experiences, my feelings on how I got to this place will never leave me. I am not wittingly choosing to carry those, or spite those who have done to this to me, but ignoring a child who has a disability and special needs, isn’t something you just get over, it’s something that child learns to live with.

As the adult, I choose not to be defined by cerebral palsy and autism, it is doable; but others will still be responsible. Their lives will always be intertwined with mine. However hard they try to ignore what’s …

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1 Nov, 2019

Deep understanding

I have always had a deep understanding. From around the age of 9 or 10 I was already putting some of the pieces of my life together.

I cannot remember what age I was when I had fully worked things out, but it was obvious to me things were amiss early on. Although we may have a deep understanding, as ‘my story’ shows, we may …

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28 Oct, 2019

My fate sealed

As a teenager, I remember overhearing a conversation between my parents, talking about my condition after my father had spoken with a family friend, who was a medical doctor with a severely disabled daughter who also had cerebral palsy and with whom my father would confide in from time to time. His friend was aware that my parents hadn’t told me about my disability.

I overheard my father talking to my mum, his friend having advised him when asked, that because my disability was mild, I didn’t need to be told about it. I now know that my fate was sealed for decades on the …

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25 Oct, 2019

Reoccurring nightmares

I grew up with reoccurring nightmares, not knowing what was wrong was my biggest nightmare and why I presented a certain way. I also had reoccurring nightmares going into and coming home from school every day. Not being able to keep up with school, or my peers academically and feeling I’d failed.

Although there can be a number of psychological triggers that cause nightmares, anxiety and depression can also be the reason. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can also be the reason we experience chronic …

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19 Oct, 2019

My cathartic book experience

Writing a book has been a cathartic experiences and the best thing I have ever done. Writing it has been easy because the words were just there, but it has brought in a different thinking from me.

What you write can either bring relief, or it can leave you clutching at your experiences with anger that your life turned out the way it did. The book has brought closure, but also regret that those who should have made a difference, didn’t.

I wear my heart on my sleeve. My inner thoughts got me through an unhappy and dysfunctional childhood. My …

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15 Oct, 2019