My Anxiety Mantra

Growing up, and not knowing I was dealing with anxiety, or why I struggled with bad thoughts meant I continued to deal with both. Years on and what I began to chant, helped me ward off bad spirits.

There are many mantras out there. This is my mantra, “Manah trayate iti mantrah” means a mantra which is brought to mind again and again. The mind has to become the mantra. The mind has to be filled …

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19 Jun, 2019

Failing expectations

My father had certain expectations of his children. I didn’t live up to what my father’s expectations of me were, but since I was dealing with a disability I didn’t know I had, with all of its implications it didn’t matter and I didn’t care.

But it didn’t stop me thinking about his expectations of me. That thought was never far away. I will never know now what he really thought about my abilities. He wasn’t an easy man to read, his expectations …

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17 Jun, 2019

It’s never easy

Because my head’s in a tail spin most days and because I deal with anxiety and autism, it’s never easy. I hate that I deal with anxiety, that I struggle with clarity. I hate how autism and anxiety makes me feel.

All I want to do is withdraw until such a time I’m back in control of my thoughts and I feel better again. It’s the nature of what autism is. It’s not something I welcome, but something that’s become a part of me …

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13 Jun, 2019

Future plans

Three years ago I received a request for a guest post from an agency whose client asked to do a guest blog on my website, and it got me thinking about my blogs, about ‘my story’ and whether if I put pen to paper I could create a memoir.

The idea was that I encompass my blogs and adapt those to create a manuscript based around ‘my story’ and turn it into …

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10 Jun, 2019

So many questions

As a child, I was angry because I was aware I presented differently and there was no mental or emotional support in place. Things became more obvious to me as soon as I started school.

But it wasn’t just about problems with school. Yes, those problems were there, but there were other issues too. I didn’t understand my damaged brain, I also didn’t understand I had sensory issues as …

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6 Jun, 2019

Disability in relationships

This subject has received the most coverage over the years because it’s something I needed to explore more than any other blog, having come into a relationship with a disability I didn’t know I had.

When anyone is born with a disability, they won’t always know how their disability will physically, mentally, psychologically or emotionally manifest itself, let alone how they will function in their relationships …

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3 Jun, 2019

Those who judge

Even though I grew up with physical and mental struggles, my spiritual beliefs were always there, and those beliefs allowed me to be more accepting of myself. Those times were hard, but being judged was even harder.

Because we are products of our environment and upbringing, judgments become part of those, how we think and feel, initially stems from how our parents think about themselves, what our parents …

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28 May, 2019

My own emotional support

It’s important we do more to emotionally support children growing up. From an early age it become obvious I had no support. I often felt on my own.

With a disability I didn’t know I had the road ahead seemed daunting. I was aware of some of my struggles, but wasn’t in a position to say anything that would make a difference. Where others weren’t listening …

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25 May, 2019

When trust becomes the issue

There are days when I struggle, because I was manipulated. Being brought into other people’s confidence over the years, them watching me struggle and doing nothing about it and me trusting them.

Not knowing about cerebral palsy wouldn’t have been such an issue if my mental and emotional issues had been dealt with. We cope when we’re supported, but when we’re not trust becomes the issue …

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21 May, 2019