I should have been told

For every day, for every week, for every month, for every year, for every milestone, I should have been told about my disability. Being told about my disability was not a luxury I was afforded.

For every struggle, for every bad thought, for every time I was told I needed to do my exercises without an explanation, for every time I got a bad mark because I failed to understand school, I should have been …

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16 Jan, 2020

My counselling sessions

In my early thirties I spent many sessions in counselling not knowing I had cerebral palsy or autism. Had I have known about them both, I could have got the right help some 30 years ago.

Instead I was left to battle through each session, without understanding anything about myself or my life. Without knowing, meant I was thrown in at the deep end without the necessary tools to be able …

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11 Jan, 2020

Homelessness

We need to be more hands on when we’re out and about, helping people who are homeless. I came to face to face with a homeless guy who was sitting on the floor outside my local supermarket, when I was out grocery shopping on Sunday.

I noticed an empty packet of sandwiches next to him, which had probably been there for some time. I stopped to give him money; his eyes lit up when he saw how much I’d put in his hand. It was enough to buy …

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7 Jan, 2020

Reflecting on 2019

It’s that time of year again when I get to reflect on my blog. Now with a published book also behind me that has taken three and a half years to complete, I am completely at ease with everything.

For me to be able to contain my thoughts growing up over a disability I didn’t know I had until I was 46, the book has given me closure in a way my blog never could. I am thankful I have been given the opportunity …

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31 Dec, 2019

Keep your thoughts moving

As a child I was never far away from my thoughts. Even though I would often retreat, I didn’t ignore my thoughts. Ignoring my thoughts would have put me in a worse emotional and mental space: they would have cut me off from my life.

It is important we deal with our  thoughts so that we can focus on staying physically present and keep our thoughts moving, so that we don’t ignore or hide from ourselves. We must reflect and talk about …

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30 Dec, 2019

Reflecting at Christmas

It’s that time of year again, a time for me to reflect. I am again deep in thought and I turn to my autism diagnosis, which I found out about in January, although it seems a lot longer and my accomplishments this year with the book. The book has catapulted me into a different thinking and I’m okay with it, because it needed to happen.

Although I’ve been working on the book for three and a half years, I started putting it together in May of this year. It is an open and honest account of my experiences and life. It explains my journey through my …

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24 Dec, 2019

My emotional reactions

I hate that autism means I have little natural animation to my smile that I show little or no emotional reaction through facial expressions to situations. I hate that I wasn’t told I had autism, I hate that over the years, I have continually been misjudged and misjudged and still I continue to struggle.

I know what happiness, excitement, surprise, anger, fear, confusion and sadness looks like, but I am void of those emotions. I have little natural expression of my emotions. I hate that. I hate how autism …

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22 Dec, 2019

My neuro struggles

If someone were to ask me how the neurological aspect of cerebral palsy affects me, it would be a difficult question to answer. I have researched it, but part of my condition means I don’t recall information that well.

I find it hard to compare, as I have only my own experience of managing thoughts, feelings and memory to go on and finding out late, meant I adapted effectively without knowing in many areas …

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14 Dec, 2019

I didn’t know my life was a lie

I didn’t know my life was a lie. When I look back that is exactly what it was, but it did encourage me to work through my bad days. I wasn’t done.

Living a lie without knowing about my disability transformed me into the person everyone expected me to be. At the age of 46, I found out about my disability, later finding out that I had been diagnosed at …

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11 Dec, 2019

Working with the Universe

As a child, I wasn’t encouraged to have aspirations. I conformed to my life. Yes, I was angry, but when I wasn’t, I was the sweetest child.

Growing up, I couldn’t know why I struggled to get past the starting block in school, why I had mental challenges, or why I dealt with anxiety, or why I couldn’t motivate myself, but even with all of those issues …

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6 Dec, 2019
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