10 weeks on

Things are definitely settling down a lot more. The problems that seemed so vast, seem a lot smaller now. Losing my father some 10 weeks ago has left me with a completely different feeling about things and the feeling that things have been left unfinished.

I know that when he was this side of life, things were enormously difficult. It’s not realistic for any of us to believe we can put everything right with our loved ones. I know one thing for sure, there were lots I wanted changing that never would be and lots of things that weren’t right that should have been put right.

I’m probably not the only one that will see or feel these things and although I am moving on, that part of my life is incomplete. My issues feel as though they’re stuck in a time capsule, which this side of life can never be changed; unless I find a way of perceiving those issues differently.


18 May, 2013

8 thoughts on “10 weeks on

  1. I know how you feel. There are things with my father that are incomplete, things we should have straightened out while he was here but never did.

    I had a dream after he was gone that had to do with one of the things we should have talked about. I felt comforted by the dream and got a settled feeling about it as far as he was concerned, that he is happy and taking care of things on the other side of life. That I shouldn’t worry about that certain circumstance.

    I hope I can get things taken care of as far as mom is concerned before she goes, but I really don’t think it will totally happen.

    I hope you can find some comfort in some way soon. XX

    1. Thanks Lisa. As ever, we put our own feelings on hold at those times and put ourselves out so that our loved ones can rest easily as they take their final steps this side of life.

      I know my father passed in peace and am happy with that, but when we reflect and look back over that time, we see how things should have been. That’s life.

      I am so pleased your dream helped you find a better understanding with your father. I am sure that has helped.

  2. I felt the exact same after my mother passed away. The first month and a half afterwards there was so much to deal with. It was a blur. It does calm down with time.

    My mother’s death changed a lot of things that will never ever be the same as when she was here. That is the nature of losing a parent. Everything changes not necessarily for the better, but that is another story for another day.

    1. Thanks Randy. You’re right life does change when we lose a parent. The mechanics of the family change once we lose a parent, losing two parents give us that too, but I believe it’s often the association and how things were with that person that has passed that can make us feel like this.

      If that’s not put right and we’re not in a position to change it once they’ve gone, it throws up a lot of other feelings. Although we may manage to put some things right, we may not bring closure on everything.

  3. I haven’t lost both parents, but my dear father passed in 2006. We had a wonderful relationship and he was a wonderful father. I have been fortunate because the unresolved issues I’ve had in my life has been with my living mother before and after my father passed. My mother was very abusive to my father and her children when were growing up. But time brought forgiveness and closure to an ugly past. I love her so much.

    I believe death of a parent or loved one, somehow provides answers and sets in motion things that we will only begin to see in time. It may be a divine design that we’ll never be able to understand and or articulate.

    I can relate to your statement; ” The problems that seemed so vast, seem a lot smaller now. ”

    Time heals.

    1. Thanks Tim. I understand time can be a great healer for some, but for others time exacerbates what they’ve gone through without bringing any resolve or closure on what they’ve had to deal with or are still dealing with. My problems now seem very small.

      I can understand why my last sentence relates to you and am pleased that it does. Given that you have a resolve means that ‘the problems that seemed so vast, seem a lot smaller now.’

      From my experience when we find a resolve, problems do seem smaller.

  4. Yes, you’re right, that time for others exacerbates what they have gone through. After examining the whole picture, I clearly see your point. Thanks.

    In my own life, there are things I’d like to resolve and bring closure to with individuals. I hope time will grant me that request.

    1. Thanks Tim. I believe you can resolve and bring closure for yourself.

      It’s up to you of course when you choose to do that. I agree that sometimes it’s a time thing, but from my own experience it’s us who have to make that time. We often wait for the right time, but from experience there is never a right time. We have to make it right.

      I usually say something as and when the issue arises. If I were to wait for the right time, I’m not sure it would ever come. In the end I believe it’s up to us.

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