Cerebral Palsy is never far from my mind, but then that’s not surprising, because Cerebral Palsy and being born premature are part of my life.
I hate how my life is continually governed by my condition, like not being able to make decisions so that I can plan ahead to go places, particularly on long journeys, parties, family functions, days out and holidays, doing the normal things for fear of putting myself out there and getting ill.
Another hate is being fatigued. Just going for a walk interferes with my ability to function normally. I hate that feeling of getting tired, losing concentration, tripping up and the cycle continues. I’m then left with brain fog. It literally takes a couple of hours for me to fully recover from a half hour walk.
Unfortunately, my frustrations are my family’s frustrations too and that makes it doubly frustrating for me because I know they’re irritated, I am tied to the condition and there’s nothing I can do about it and then I feel bad because I’m letting them down. Because the condition is also mild it also makes what I deal with more difficult, because it’s not like a broken leg where everyone notices and the sympathy’s automatically there.
I often find myself having to fight to find a place that fits in with everyone else, for them to be okay with what I deal with and find an acceptance on that. On a happier note, I was looking at some old photographs of me as a child and although the tell tale signs of my physical disabilities were clearly visible in the photographs, I didn’t seem too perturbed by the symptoms I never knew I had.
My smile in the photographs tell a different story. I believe reflection saved me from the depths of despair and some very low moments of everything I had to deal with, including my physical and neurological difficulties.