Sadly, I don’t get to change my life up the point of finding out I had Cerebral Palsy at the age of 46, but I do get to reflect on a few things.
Given my upbringing and environment I always assumed I wouldn’t amount to very much, because I wasn’t expected to have aspirations. My life was mapped out for marriage and children. And as I continued to live my life I still didn’t know what was wrong with me.
Although I continued to live my life thinking I’d never find out because that was the way my life was going, I was subconsciously not willing to give up. Instead I chose not to have any expectations of myself, that way I wouldn’t be disappointed at myself or in myself. I was determined not to belittle myself.
I also know that if it hadn’t been for the comment mum had made when she just found out she was terminally ill, I never would have found out about Cerebral Palsy. Mum telling me that my birth was difficult, opened a door that had long been closed on my disability.
Mum had been waiting in the wings all that time and would have wanted me to know, but that was difficult for her to do. She had her reasons, but it was her terminal illness that gave her the unfettered freedom to tell me.
That my change of path with knowing ‘my birth was difficult’ 11 years ago opened the door on a diagnosis, my symptoms and The CP Diary. My mum paved the way for me to take new steps.