A lack of trust & honesty

In 15 years of hospital visits, having my legs measured was the consultation. After a few years you begin to think there’s nothing else wrong.

Throughout that time I also didn’t think I needed to look outside the box because there seemed to be no cause for concern from my doctors or family. When I look back of course, I can’t believe that I was continually being exposed by the very people who were supposed to protect me and those who were supposed to care for me.

With a lack of trust and honesty and many decades on, I have made it my way to find out what I should have known as a child. With each yearly consultation, my father was asked whether he had any concerns and when that wasn’t forthcoming, my legs were measured, then we were asked to make another appointment for the next year.

Over the years I was misled into thinking there was nothing much wrong with me, apart from what you could see; a lack of muscle tone, a foot drop and a leg length difference. I was also in a vicious circle; the more my emotions manifested in anger issues, the more I continued to get blamed because I was angry.

I have created my own circumstances through my blog and that allows me to talk about my experiences and to find a place for those. Through countless perceptions, memories and a full understanding of my circumstances, I am able to tell my story in the way my life has unfolded and right a wrong on all my experiences.

Whilst I cannot change my experiences, my blogs act as a reminder that there is always a message, a silver lining, and a way through our experiences.


30 Sep, 2018

4 thoughts on “A lack of trust & honesty

  1. It boggles my mind when I hear about parents being this way, like my parents, when they ignored the herd of elephants in the living room and who made their child feel horrible about themselves.

    It ends up giving you a serious complex when you’re made to feel like something is wrong with you, when it’s an issue that could have just as easily been addressed and dealt with.

    I just can’t imagine purposely ignoring something like my daughter’s cerebral palsy, when it was diagnosed early on and I did the best I could to make sure she got what she needed.

    Parents are supposed to be the ones you can trust since you’re forced to depend on them when you’re a kid. My parents didn’t give us any reason to trust them seeing as they broke every promise they made to us, which is what really hurts the most.

    They expected us to trust the people they did, when often times they were the worst kind of people, especially my mother’s family who used and abused us because we were considered poor white trash to them. What kind of parents knowingly put their children in harm’s way?

    They expected us to be dancing monkeys and put on a show for them. There have been far too many times where I knew I shouldn’t trust certain people but with the way I was brainwashed. It’s no wonder I kept associating with such toxic people.

    Most people get very offended when I speak ill of my parents, but they didn’t go through the hell that we did as kids so they really don’t get it.

    1. Thanks Randy. You did the right thing for your daughter. Your thinking is normal and right. I love that your daughter had that trust in you and you never let her down.

      I was lucky my disability was mild enough for me ‘to get by.’ I’m not sure how I managed because neurologically, emotionally and physically I struggled and continued to struggle.

      But in those times I never stopped wanting to know and never gave up hope that one day I would find out about the disability I didn’t know I had.

  2. You have been let down, no question, by those whose job is was to put you first. But you have turned this into something positive and we all benefit greatly from that.

    Your pain brings help to many.

    1. Understanding everything now about my disability and including my neurological symptoms makes this all feel bigger, sadly.

      But not wanting to draw into that I am instead choosing to see what I have managed to achieve through not knowing about my disability.

      I love that as I continue to help myself walk through my own life through my writing and understanding, others get to walk through their own lives too.

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