A letter to myself

I believe that to try to make head or tail about our lives, we need a certain amount of reflection to help us understand everything we need to know.

If I had to write myself a letter on my thoughts and feelings about how I got to this place, this is how my letter would go:

‘I have never been so proud of someone as when you learned how to adjust into your life, even though you never knew what was wrong with you or how your disability would play out.

Although you were angry and frustrated for much of your formative years, because you didn’t know what you were dealing with, you have turned that anger and frustration into something much more positive. Even with the lack of support, you understood your life enough not to complain or moan about your disability or ever ask, why?

Being born with a disability meant you were always going to be different to your siblings and the other kids and where they would take the things they could do for granted, you were grounded enough to understand that you were different. You bore it well. Underneath the anger and frustration was a kind, caring and compassionate girl waiting to come out; with little understanding from others without questioning why you were even angry in the first place.

Living with anger was enormously difficult because deep down you were not that child. Yes, you had your moments, but those moments were never about you, but about other people’s non-communication of the issues you faced. Even with your struggles, you had something inside of you that set you apart that was clearly waiting to come out. The nice thing is you don’t brag, you don’t gloat; you come to understand.

Your ability to think and turn your thoughts into something treasured for others to read, has also made you into the person you are; but it was there all the time. You may have been born with something that you later found out to be Cerebral Palsy, but you are certainly not defined by it.

Instead, you are defined by  this very unique talent that is not only helping you, but is also helping others in the form of The CP Diary, your blogs which have become your legacy.’

16 Aug, 2016

6 thoughts on “A letter to myself

  1. Well, that would be a very difficult letter to write at least right now! It is very hard at times to realize I am actually 48 and definitely didn’t plan on ending up in the position I’m in.

    There were so many things that I wanted to do, but didn’t dare to for fear of actually succeeding. It’s easier to not even try than face the devastation of failure; at least in my mind!

    I would have to tell myself that it was a miracle that I would survive to this age. There is something I was meant to do, even though I have no idea of what it is, so I imagine I need to stick around to find out what it is.

    My daughter also needs me and wants me to be a part of her life, so I can’t let her down.

    1. Thanks Randy. It’s not always an easy letter to write, but the letter we write to ourselves is about empowerment, to understand how we got to where we are and our thoughts and feelings on our life.

      Writing a letter allows us to see our lives, in a way that stops us from judging or being too hard on ourselves when things don’t work out. We get to see what’s ours to own and what we need to let go of.

      That in no way takes away from us our job as a parent and although it’s not an easy letter to write, but it’s us being truthful with ourselves, with no interruptions.

      Laid bare, I believe it allows us to live our lives better.

  2. It’s beautiful to read how your life is actually defined by your perseverance, it’s carved in your spirit. Your reality somehow heighten the enduring nature in you; the concreteness of Ilana that you met at eye level.

    Inspiring letter.

  3. What an amazing letter. It exhibits all of the qualities that make you who are today and what you give to the world through The CP Diary. It is truly inspirational.

    1. Thank you. I couldn’t do what I do without the support of everyone who responds on my blogs. I am grateful for all the support I have.

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