Over the years I have documented about my physical and emotional difficulties since I started the Diary, but one of the things I go back to every time is living a life that wasn’t true. You can’t be true to yourself without knowing the truth about yourself.
For 46 years I lived one way, then when the opportunity arose for me to have an MRI scan, having my cerebral palsy diagnosis confirmed made me realise I wasn’t the person I thought I was. Now continually having to work through my symptoms, piece by piece, for the very first time has re-shaped my life.
It is true that our emotional growing up years, are done in our formative years. Usually by the time we’ve settled into our lives and relationships, we’ve come through knowing everything we need to know about ourselves. Through our relationships, we become a more mature version of ourselves, primarily because the foundations are already there.
Years on, and I am still learning about my psychological and emotional difficulties. That’s bad enough, but it’s not only me who has been affected by my symptoms and diagnosis. Relationships take two people, which means my other half is also affected, the life he signed up for, isn’t the life he’s living.
When it comes to any disability, it is important everyone comes to terms with our disability. It makes it all the harder of course in my case,, when you’re told the person initiating and controlling your life, simply didn’t want to know.