A life through lies

The life I have lived has been as a result of others living a lie, knowing what my disability was. It wasn’t my lie, but it became my life.

The human mind is flawed and ignoring the truth will always have devastating consequences, particularly when others choose to keep something from us. But ignoring the truth won’t settle as far as the universe is concerned.

Having lived a life on the other side of others’ shortcomings, my life was always going to be as a consequence of how they chose to deal with their life, whilst I was made to live mine. But those who are ruled by their unconscious thinking, will always be the deceiver and we will be the deceived.

The truth is that we all face situations that require us to make difficult decisions around uncertainty and where the result may be a strong temptation for us to hide from the truth, we must resist the temptation.

The more I learn about my life, the more I struggle to comprehend the enormity of what’s been done. You couldn’t make this story up. On the other side of that, I take heart from the fact that I wouldn’t have got to write without my life.


15 Nov, 2018

6 thoughts on “A life through lies

  1. Yes, one of the saddest parts is that your parents knew about your disability but chose to live a lie, acting like they didn’t know, and you were the one who suffered the most.

    I know my parents lived a lie, seeing as they tried so hard to act like everything was normal, in our lives when it was anything but.

    It was only in the later years that we figured out a lot of the truth’s, like one of my sisters being fathered by one of our uncles, due to her having the same hereditary disease that he had.

    ‘You can’t handle the truth’ is the expression that comes to mind, since there wasn’t any way that they couldn’t have not known the truth, but chose to ignore it.

    Both of us have had to deal with the consequences of their actions, which has been truly sad.

    I often wonder how different things could have been if they had just accepted the truth and allowed us to live in the truth, rather than drowning in a sea of lies.

    1. You’ll never know the answer to that Randy, but I’m not sure you’d want to know. Sometimes we can drown in the truth and not know how to deal with it.

      That was true for me as a child. But in a way, reflecting and using that as a tool to understand my life over the years has saved me emotionally.Now when I hear something, it’s not a shock or surprise, but par of the course that this was my life.

      All you can do now Randy is make yourself better and choose a life that you want to live, and go for it. You cannot change your past, but you can change how you use your experiences from your past.

  2. Dragging your foot and dragging lies must have weighed heavy on you Ilana. I used profanity just thinking about it, blindfolded as you were, through lies.

    Now you’re hopelessly in love with the truth. You’ve moved beyond lies and mind thieves to a respected artist; a casualty who lived to write about it.

    1. Thanks Tim. Literally dragging my foot, yes. The irony is I have never changed my thoughts or thought process. I have always lived by the truth.

      Honestly, I felt caged, but never gave up hope that one day I would get to know and would eventually come through to the light.

      Through all of that, I still believe things come good, but we must live with hope in our hearts and never give up. I had that in the bucket loads.

      We must wait for the right time. And it comes but we must be ready for it.

  3. None of your life was your lie. You were part of the lies of others. as Tim says you have moved beyond that now and you have changed your future and ours.

    1. I also agree with Tim and believe I have succeeded through my quest to find out about my diagnosis and my symptoms.

      My experiences through my blog is testament to that. But what I have done will only work if others are prepared to accept what I have achieved.

      It is wrong for us to judge and continue to judge because we’re not in the same emotional place. Instead, we must work on bringing ourselves up to the same emotional space.

      All too often this is why judgments are passed and relationships fail.

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