Given the degree of hurt and unnecessary suffering, I seem to have the same old thoughts whirring in my head, but it’s not surprising given my experiences.
Given ‘my story’ it would be hard for anyone to let go of these thoughts. I still cannot believe that through other people’s ignorance my difficulties, irritations, anger and confusion we’re ignored, growing up.
I also can’t believe that through anger I was still that pleasing child. That where others didn’t have my back, I still continued to believe they did and didn’t stop to question my life. Them not wanting to know about my disability or for me to know, would always cause a ripple effect: I didn’t understand that either.
The hardest part was that whilst I continued to struggle with issues around the neurological difficulties I didn’t know I had, I continued to fail at everything. The frustrations around my physical difficulties although difficult, seemed to pale into insignificance over my mental difficulties.
To this day, I still have difficulties getting my head around how things played out. There are days when I can look at what I have achieved since my diagnosis ten years ago, and know that without these experiences, I wouldn’t have these accomplishments, then I reconcile, then I go back to that place again.
The neglect looks and smells familiar, but I still need to find a place for it. I still find myself asking the question, how do you really get over these experiences?