I had something that needed to go into school and as I was walking into reception, I could see my reflection in the glass door and staring back, I could see myself limping.
On the whole I do well at ignoring the fact that I have a limp, then like a bolt out of the blue it irritates me. For that split second, time stood still and I was that child struggling to walk in the school playground.
I came away feeling despondent that somehow I allowed myself to be weak. I was back there in school with all my thoughts of children staring, watching my every move, because they knew I walked with a limp and that made me different.
It’s unnerving that a certain situation reminds us of something that we’ve dealt with and for that split second we’re back in that same place, with the same feelings, the same thoughts and the same struggles as if we were that child again.
I also wonder at myself how I have managed to come through all that I have relatively unscathed, given my childhood. I don’t always feel so comfortable walking in and out of public places so walking into school was hard for me.
This time it felt easier, because students walking to and from the playground were preoccupied with each other and weren’t particularly paying much attention and that helped.
It helps for me to write, to get my thoughts out into the open.