A more personal blog

It’s been a long while since I’ve written a more personal blog. I’m beginning to struggle with my Cerebral Palsy symptoms, I’ve had better days.

My left side is becoming weaker. I have noticed a decline in my strength in the last 6 months on my Cerebral Palsy side. I’m struggling to grip things in my weaker hand and to open things now, I find myself having to use two hands.

My thoughts go back to the Neurologist who initially diagnosed me 7 years ago. Having been told by my Neurologist that Cerebral Palsy is non-progressive, how can it not be? It stands to reason that as the brain slows down, so too will our physical symptoms and that will have a negative impact on our limbs.

The problem with Cerebral Palsy as we age is the brain being able to keep pace with it, so that our limbs can still function normally. Add the not knowing and the Scoliosis scenario to this Cerebral Palsy scenario and it’s a very tough call.

10 Dec, 2015

4 thoughts on “A more personal blog

  1. These are the times when I have great difficulty not being very angry that your parents never really helped you deal with your issues!

    I know my issues aren’t the same as yours, but the end results have been very similar considering the end results. If I had known what my issues were and been properly treated, my life would have turned out so much differently, as yours would have.

    People always love to say things like, they did the best they could with what they had! which infuriates me to no end. Both of us didn’t get what we deserved as children, so we have to deal with these problems now, when it’s so much harder to do.

    I’m sure you have a lot of mixed emotions yourself, especially with what you’re having to deal with now. It just amazes me that doctors never picked it up with you over all those years!

    You probably learned how to do things that you needed to do and didn’t think twice that they were serious problems. I know eventually you don’t even realize you’ve done this, so the issue becomes irrelevant in your mind. Hopefully this is making some sense to you, as I have days where I know what I want to say, but can’t seem to put it into words!

    You do make sense, as I would think that CP would be progressive as you age, considering how things change when you do. It is such a shame that you have to go through this now, at a time when you should be able to enjoy doing more in your life.

    I try not to be resentful about these things for myself and others, but there are days when the what If’s keep running through my head.

    All my life people have told me what I should and shouldn’t feel, but I’m at a point where I would like to feel something, besides being completely numb, because I don’t want to feel anything!

    1. Thanks Randy. I try not to think about things too much, but every now and again I continue to place or rationale my life in some way, so I can make my life make sense, which I then tend to blog about.

      Yes we may have had different issues to think about and deal with, but the non-closure is the same. I understand more of why my life has worked out in the way it has and although I don’t agree with what’s been done and can’t change my circumstances, I do have to find closure, so that I can move on. Of course with new issues to deal with, it becomes much harder.

      I think it makes it harder when we come to realise we’re dealing with more, than we originally thought we had. As I age more, I will have yet more things to deal with.

  2. I am sorry you are struggling. I know it’s not easy aging with CP. Sometimes I feel like an old lady. I guess our bodies take more of a wear and tear because of the way we walk and it takes more effort for us to move our muscles.

    I get very tempted sometimes to get a wheelchair, since walking is becoming very tiring. But the stubbornness in me tells me not yet. Maybe that’s the way we need to be; stubborn and not let the struggles defeat us.

    I know it is difficult for you not knowing you had CP since from the beginning. I admire your determination to not let that get you down.

    1. Awww thanks Maria. If I let the not knowing I had Cerebral Palsy get me down, I’d probably find myself permanently in a funk and I’m not keen to do that. I try to rationale, find understanding in my life.

      I agree with your thinking Maria about you using a wheelchair and think you’re absolutely right about not using one now. Once we get into a pattern of relying on something, we come to rely on it more. I agree with you that the older we get, the more wear and tear we have to deal with, particularly on our limbs.

      I believe the more support we have from those close to us, the more secure we will feel in ourselves and what we have to deal with, particularly as we age with Cerebral Palsy, or any other condition.

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