A new thought process

I am beginning to reflect a little, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I know I still need to bring closure on how I got to this place with Cerebral Palsy.

Given the fact that I will soon no longer be able to address this topic with my father, I think given the circumstances, the time has probably come when I have no choice but to walk away, but I’m not giving up. On some level, he already knows how I feel, because the topic came up nearly four years ago, when I had just got my diagnosis.

I didn’t resolve anything then, but remember having a conversation with my therapist years previously, because I was struggling then. We talked about why parents choose not to deal with certain issues, pertaining to my physical disability; even though they should have been protecting me. I didn’t agree with her suggestion.

Of course, it doesn’t make years of ignoring the problem go away, that is very real and still is, but it does go some way for me to understand why. I know my father didn’t want to know, that much is true, but being a parent myself, it wouldn’t be something I would wittingly choose to have put my own children through.

Being a parent isn’t the easiest job in the world and when we become one it’s easy to see why we’re out of our comfort zone. That coupled with a new experience of having a child with Cerebral Palsy, must have made things difficult for them. I get that, but there is no excuse. If having children means we must run with all eventualities, that is what they should have done. To ignore my emotionally, not to deal with my struggles around my emotional and physical disability was wrong.

Although I know time is running out on this one, I know that potentially I must be prepared to let this one go. But until the end, I shall never give up.

15 Feb, 2013

8 thoughts on “A new thought process

  1. I sort of understand how some parents try to ignore the problems their children have, but it doesn’t make it right. My sons bio-parents kind of ignored the fact that he had problems by medical neglect.

    Not taking him to appointments he needed to go to and treating him like a normal child, which isn’t that bad because when we have a child with special needs we want them to have as normal a life as possible, but some parents take it too far.

    They totally ignore the facts, then there are the parents that over do it. That’s where my parents were. They were over protective, taking me to the doctor for every sniffle.

    I see both sides of the coin here. I’m glad you’re coming to terms with this and can accept what has happened in the past. We should live for the day. We can’t change what happens in the past but we can change the future.

  2. My mother,before she had her stroke, was always trying to tie my Bipolar Disorder to either my father’s bloodline or hers. I imagine there was a lot of parental guilt going on there.

    Guilt for me has been a very destructive emotion for me, with my upbringing and child rearing.

    I wish you the best Ilana. I am sure you will come out of this stronger than ever.

    1. Thanks Brian. I think you’re right I will. I think you’re right about your parents, there was a lot of guilt there. It’s a human failing, guilt. I am sure all parents whose children have something they struggle with will always feel that.

      I think we have to own a problem if it belongs to us and accept the fact that we are partly responsible. In your case Brian Bipolar is genetic, (runs in families). Not sure any parent whose child goes on to have Bipolar can ignore that fact.

      I’m sure for you that’s all you will have needed to hear from your parents. That they understand how you feel having to deal with it. I know how you feel.

  3. My parents had to come to terms with my CP very early in my life. I was nearly 3 when my mother knew something was wrong when I was trying to walk, so they were forced to deal with it.

    My brother has never dealt with having a disabled brother and could never understand what it is like. You cannot understand unless you yourself are living with CP.

    1. I’m not sure any sibling would find that easy Randy, although for you living with CP must have been impossible. What matters is our own perceptions of how we see ourselves and how others deal with us.

      If you’re okay with your brother not coming to terms with you having CP then that’s fine. It’s just a shame though, because you’d probably have a better relationship with you now if he had.

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