A parent thing

I am sure none of us consciously bring up our children to believe that it has to be our way and if it’s not our way, it’s the wrong way.

When we watch our children struggle because of what they have to deal with, it’s hard to see why they just don’t get what we get, even with the explanations that will help them pave their way. It’s so clear to us and yet their own explanations are clear to them.

I think that outside influences have as much of an impact, even more so on our children and their lives from the day they’re born, so we’re already in competition.

So how are parents supposed to compete?

In a nutshell we can’t. Looking back, I know I could never change anything of where my children are now. There will always be strong personalities involved, with their own take on how they choose to contribute. It almost became a daily battle, constantly having to move some of the boundaries back.

Perhaps it’s because of those influences that children don’t always take on our values, but of those others whose influence was the strongest. I’ve heard it said that as soon as children start school, they’ve already changed.

I’m sure I’m not alone in my feelings. I am sure we will all continue to find ways to improve on what we have. Children are for life and so are our relationships with them as their parents. It’s all about give ‘n’ take.

13 Sep, 2010

8 thoughts on “A parent thing

  1. You’re right, but we have to remember that their brains don’t mature until they are around 25 especially their reasoning.

    My daughter is only 22 but she’s had a hard life so far dealing with personal problems and ADHD. But since she has been basically on her own and working to pay her way in life she is starting to mature and I see my values in her.

    She thinks like I do sometimes and I think maybe all that I said to her while she is growing up has sunk in and she did get it.

    1. Of course the foundations will always be in place, if we have worked on creating those foundations for them to go back to, but it’s not to say that even through reasoning and maturity they will go back to what we have taught them. There are lots of other reasons why they won’t.

      Our moral and social standings are not necessarily what they will take on for themselves. We just have to accept that.

  2. This has been a parents dilemma since the beginning of time I am sure, because we all face the reality that we do our best and then just be there for when they fall to give them a hand.

    I have had a tough time with my children and had to come to the realization I can lead a horse to water but it’s up to them when they drink. Either way we are going to have strong feelings over our children and I wouldn’t have it any other way, it’s just love.

    I have chosen to love mine enough to sink or swim, grow into adulthood without me being overbearing. Hard roads and even harder hills to climb, but if we love them enough it will all work out to their liking.

    1. A lot of good points Brian… I’m sure we all hope that we do will work out to our children’s liking. That may not always the case.

  3. Good points Ilana and though it’s a few days since you wrote, this it is just what I needed today.

    We are not the only influence in our childrens’ lives so we cannot take it too personally when they do things we don’t approve of, even as adults.

    It’s a hard pill to swallow but we can only do so much, teach them well, try to surround them with positive people and influences and then hope for the best.

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