When any parent hides the truth and continues to hide the truth, it’s hard for any child to have to deal with that, particularly when it comes to a diagnosis centred around a disability the child doesn’t know about. Not only did I not know what I had, as a consequence, I didn’t know about myself either.
The trust between a child and a parent is based on a parent’s ability to be open and transparent about what that child deals with and for that parent to take sole responsibility for looking after that child’s needs, both emotionally and physically. For that child to have faith, put and place their own trust in his or her parents, that they will do right and do what’s in the best interest of that child.
Sadly, for me that trust was broken from the minute I was born. There was a diagnosis and yet I had to wait 46 years to find out what the diagnosis was and I was still expected to be the dutiful daughter. That was expected. A non-diagnosis for me, wasn’t even a fabrication of the truth, ‘the diagnosis just didn’t exist.’
All conversations, thoughts and feelings that took place over the years, were based around non-truths around my circumstances. It is like being conditioned to love someone on their terms and you still continue to be emotionally abused, where the other person doesn’t question us living a lie, even though it’s down to them.
In spite of my childhood I’ve done well not to exhibit trust issues. There’s an answer for that. That’s because subconsciously I understood.