Another revelation

There isn’t a day go by, where I’m not having to piece something together based on my Cerebral Palsy diagnosis. Often from nowhere, a conversation will bring a new understanding into the equation and that’s another piece of the jigsaw fixed.

Listening to a friend talking, whose son has learning difficulties, it dawned on me that everything she was saying about him, she was talking about me too. His difficulties were also mine. That I also struggle to learn.

Our conversation brought about a new understanding on why school was impossible. I have never chosen to hide behind my difficulties, there is no point in living in denial, or running away from those. It wasn’t my fault, I failed to ‘get school’ and with no support in or out of school, I was doomed to fail.

People reading this, may think it incredible that I never realised this whilst experiencing difficulties in school. I was aware how hard school was for me and my difficulties learning in class, but as I only discovered I had cerebral palsy 7 years ago at the age of 46, I never equated the two.

There is a huge difference between ‘difficulty in learning’ and the condition ‘learning difficulty.’ I now know I have the latter. Over the years, I have found myself a different way to learn and that helps me enormously.

It’s true to say that a lot of children don’t get school, but that’s a different discussion. So long as there isn’t something fundamental that we deal with that stops us from learning, or getting school, there is no reason why children won’t get school: it just comes later for some children.

Failing in school isn’t something I’m proud of, but I shouldn’t feel guilty either. I should have had someone in school, helping me to learn. It also didn’t help when judgments on my abilities were constantly being formed from school and home and yet nothing was ever done about it.

Even if no one new about my cerebral palsy diagnosis, they did know of my struggles and help should have been forthcoming. I’ve been let down. Brain damage will always have massive implications.

Through my blog, I am still finding out what those implications are. No doubt those implications will be the subject of another blog.


28 Sep, 2015

4 thoughts on “Another revelation

  1. Your writings clearly demonstrate nothing short of brilliance and mindfulness without a hint of blemish. You often tell your readers not to be too hard on themselves; but what is good for the goose is equally good for the gander.

    Your achievements are a collection of facts, evidence of your intellectual prowess and nothing in the past can change that. We love your imperfections, as The CP Diary exist to love ours.

    1. Awww thanks Tim. Yes you’re absolutely right I do tell my readers not to be too hard on themselves.

      I work to the same rule too, but must admit through this new revelation has caught me off the hop. My understanding behind my struggles during my school years has hit home; but at least my struggles are now understood.

      I need a couple of days for this to sink in, but I do intend to move on. It would be too painful not to.

  2. It really is unimaginable that you had to discover this for yourself so ‘late in the day.’ A weaker minded person would not have been able to cope with such a significant new finding, but as ever, you will turn it around and channel your usual positivity to help yourself and others learn from it. It is after all, part of who you are.

    As you say, it is another piece of the jigsaw. It serves to put into place and explain your experiences around your eduction and in that way, close off that part of your history. You can find a place for this along with all the other experiences you have blogged about.

    1. Thank you, yes it’s not something easily absorbed, but at least I have my understanding now. It doesn’t condone what’s happened, but it allows me to at least understand.

      The CP Diary has allowed me to cover so much ground on my past that I’m not sure I will have had without it. I am grateful that I have the ability to be able to express myself in the way that I do and can.

      What I write not only helps me live and understand my life, but helps others too. I’m pleased it does.

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