The hardest part of my life looking back, is not the cerebral palsy, it’s not getting the help I needed when I spent my life living with anxiety, panic and overwhelming fear. The fact that I didn’t keep quiet about it should have raised alarm bells, but that was completely ignored.
The cerebral palsy element doesn’t bother me because I have understanding and am comfortable around those issues. There is no excuse for what went on around my disability, but it was my struggling with feelings of anxiety, panic and fear as a child that bothered me and still does, because those things change how I physically feel. They also change the way I deal with and cope with everyday issues.
On a daily basis, where I pride myself on being able to cope with issues, anxiety and fear can leave me panicked and struggling to cope. My biggest problem is the anxiety I feel, settles in my stomach like a lead weight until I am able to find a resolve on it.
And around my disability and particular brain damage, where others expect to have a normal response from me that will never happen. To the untrained eye I look and talk normally, but the truth is my brain processes are far from normal.
I don’t think or interpret messages in the way they’re given, but it’s the delayed reactions and interpretations on the information given that cites intolerance and impatience from those around me and that’s enormously stressful.