Apportioning blame

It’s not unusual for parents to be blamed by their children for how their lives turn out. It’s also not uncommon for children to have strong influences in their lives whose influences have a greater bearing than their parents.

Consequently, this may play out on an unconscious level in the child’s behaviour and attitude towards their parents. Although children will never consciously apportion blame at their parents’ door as a consequence of their relationship with others, for some parents it becomes clear that they are being blamed.

It’s far easier for a child to blame their parents, than it is for a child to deal with their feelings, particularly if it means them having to address their issues with those influences who aren’t their parents and whose influences have been far greater than that of their parents.

Away from that and even with all the strong influences we have in our lives, it’s up to us to deal with our lives in an appropriate way, without unconsciously apportioning blame at our parents’ door, if they’re not to blame. Sadly, apportioning blame will always have an impact, it’s immaterial at whose door.


5 Jun, 2014

4 thoughts on “Apportioning blame

  1. I really don’t think we should blame our parents and I’m as guilty as the next person.

    It’s our lives, we make the choices in our lives. Our parents don’t make the decision for us when we are older and on our own.

    1. Thanks Lisa!! You’re right, the majority of us will make our own choices, but some of may not have that.

      Relationships are never so straight forward when other people have influences on our children. Those influences will always have an affect on the way children unconsciously respond to their parents and often it’s the parent to blame, whether they were responsible or not.

  2. It is a parent’s responsibility to raise their children and not that of an extended family, even if the extended family think otherwise. I have experienced this first hand and I have found it extremely damaging.

    I would not dream of interfering in this way, whether it’s done on purpose or not, but unfortunately we don’t all think this way.

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