Another personal back to back. Having grown up with fear and anxiety issues and having been diagnosed in January 2019 with Asperger’s I now understand why I have Asperger’s and how my Asperger’s works.
It’s made worse because I have brain damage and my emotions are impaired. As I write I continue to look back at my childhood experiences, and still feel irritated that I was left to deal with anxiety, fear and bad thoughts: to fumble my way through aimlessly in the dark on my own.
The problem with my Asperger’s is that if I have a worry the only way the worry can be replaced is if the circumstances around the worry changes and it no longer is a worry, or something physically removes or replaces it.
Having impaired emotions as a child meant my mind could never shift from worry (which was always accompanied with bad thoughts). Chaos always ensued as those bad thoughts shifted in my direction and on to others.
The fact that my anxiety was known about and ignored didn’t bode well either. I am not sure how I managed to get through those years. Eventually I became resigned, but still understand why.
No matter what we go through as a parent and we all will have our own issues to bear, that was for our parents to help us deal with. It is our job as parents to help our children deal with their issues so that they achieve and work to their full potential.
I am in no doubt that my Asperger’s is easier because I am able to write and get my thoughts out there. I am able to work out what is what. Without my heightened senses I couldn’t do what I do. But I didn’t think I’d have to go through hell to achieve it, there is no excuse for that.
Through necessity, me and my Asperger’s have become a team. I just have to find a way to deal with worry and bad thoughts based around my Asperger’s.