There are so many things I grew up with not knowing about myself, the biggest bug bear is my lack of facial expression, through autism that I didn’t know I had.
It’s not just how we look, it’s how we smile, the way we look, it’s in our eyes. When I looked in the mirror, I was aware it was something, but nothing about autism was highlighted, mentioned or explained, so I shrugged it off.
Where my siblings have an animated smile, my smile is expressionless. As a child, I knew it was there, I couldn’t explain what I saw, I didn’t like what I saw. I try not to pay attention to the mirror. I may appear unresponsive, the lights are installed with no connections.
Where I may look blankly, it is difficult for others because they can’t always gage whether I’m listening, or I’ve heard what they’ve said and that makes for difficult communication and fallouts.