Autism & being assertive

The recent news about the Michael Jackson victims’ abuse story, has reaffirmed the need for me to confront the truth and why it is important for me to talk about my own story. Although it has taken me many years to get my diagnoses, understand and come to terms with my own journey, this is exactly why I do what I do and why I talk about things.

Since my official Autism diagnosis on the 11th January last month, I’ve gone through a rollercoaster of emotions. I’m getting there. When I was younger and my children were little, their problems were small. My being assertive seemed easier. I went with my gut instinct when it came to making decisions and it worked.

Although I didn’t know I had Autism then, everything seemed easier. Through Autism, bigger issues create more uncertainties for me and knowing what I want to say, isn’t the same as me being able to say it and take control. Where others are assertive, I fair better and my struggles aren’t noticeable.

Where others fail to give me definite answers on the things I need to know about, I struggle with anxiety and anxiety creates panic. It’s a vicious circle, I struggle with people’s vagueness and abstract concepts and that creates the anxiety I feel.

I appreciate that for those without ASD, being assertive isn’t easy, but with Autism it’s even less so. It’s important that for those like me with Autism, others model and continue to model appropriate behaviour towards us positively.

For us, it’s the most effective way for us to be assertive and for us to understand how we can communicate. Without either we become isolated and cut off.

1 Mar, 2019

2 thoughts on “Autism & being assertive

  1. I definitely need to work on being assertive myself, as I grew up with parents who seemed to have a very hard time just saying what was on their mind.

    There were always subtle clues and a lot of double speak, so most of the time we were expected to be mind readers. I may be an empath which really helped, but thankfully I don’t read minds. I’m sure this is why I don’t understand people when they talk in political correctness, since it’s very similar to how my parents spoke.

    I fare better when people speak directly and don’t beat around the bush that just gives me a headache. I guess that’s why my current relationship is toxic, why I need to get out of it and why we’re on two totally different planes!

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, a lot of what we learn as children we take from our parents, so you will have picked up certain character traits, but for us that doesn’t always end there.

      You’ve said that you deal with ADHD. That also has something to do with being less assertive. I have Autism and that makes it harder for me also.

      With work on ourselves, as we learn certain behaviour traits we can unlearn those traits and go on lead very successful lives. But we must consciously live in the present so we’re not living our life through unconscious thoughts.

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