Autism & hypersensitivity

I find it incomprehensible that in my fifties, I am still working my disability out. Around hypersensitivity, and at the age of 46 when I first found out about cerebral palsy, I thought hypersensitivity was something to do with that because I didn’t know about autism.

I didn’t know I had autism, hypersensitivity, or sensory overload. Only having cerebral palsy to rely on meant I would assume my neurological issues belonged to cerebral palsy. Now I have learned my neurological issues and hypersensitivity have nothing to do with cerebral palsy.

The first time I came face to face with hypersensitivity, was in my twenties seeing someone close to me deteriorate through cancer and feeling scared because I didn’t understand why  I couldn’t bear to look at him. I couldn’t know that seeing someone terminally ill, activates my senses through distorted vision and sensory overload, making my senses and what I see more exaggerated.

Growing up, things felt different, but I could never explain anything. I have since learned that with hypersensitivity seeing, hearing, or feeling something can activate my senses in seconds and can make for challenging behaviour.

If not nipped quickly in the bud, it can result in me withdrawing, or having a meltdown. A meltdown can happen at any time, usually caused by a number of factors including stress, environmental stimuli, change and uncertainty.

It is hard to come to terms with the enormity of symptoms around a disability you don’t know you have and have to continually deal with those symptoms. It’s difficult to comprehend that I’ve had these symptoms my whole life and not known.

3 Oct, 2019

2 thoughts on “Autism & hypersensitivity

  1. Yes, only one of many frustrations when it comes to dealing with issues that we didn’t know we had.

    It is quite incomprehensible that parents can ignore their children’s issues and allow them to fend for themselves, without any guidance or assistance. I’m sure that it’s something that you struggle with yourself, under your circumstances.

    I have always known things were different for me, but couldn’t explain the feelings until recently, which I find hard to accept, since my life could have been different if only I had known.

    I’m having to fight my own instincts that would rather make me give up, since that was always the easier thing to do and so that I can work on having a decent life.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, that’s right. I can understand your thinking, because those were my thoughts too, but it’s hard to continually think like that.

      What happened, happened, we cannot change what happened. Sometimes it’s easier to accept it happened. I used to beat myself up emotionally about it.

      I found it hurt more to continue to revisit the same thoughts, without having answers for those and also knowing I might never have answers for those.

      Although we don’t want to let go, it is easier if we can and move on.

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